So, how ya feel about that...?

Turn and Re-Turn were in a boat...........

2012-01-29T13:16:00.001-06:00

Every so often there is something that happens that reminds me of myself; my liberty, sovereignty, fidelity, authenticity…… my spirituality. I’m ever so grateful, because without them I would have fewer reminders and would cavort with things that do not serve me well at all.

Gathering in sacred woman space reminds me.
Ritual reminds me.
Other people’s choices even remind me.

Am I fortunate to not have had a specific religious upbringing? How different would I be if I had had one? Would I feel drawn to return? Oh. There it is… *return*…. Le word o the month. Return. Turn to. Return…take a left..no, take a right… turn…turn around… return. Spiritually, I suppose one could say that I have nowhere to return to. Maybe I do, maybe that is key to Me. My return is constant. I am in a state of continuous return. Ever seeking, ever learning, every growing and exploring.

I only settle on what nourishes me and offers me comfort. I only settle on what makes sense to me at the time. Haha.. If it quits making sense, I return. Return to voyage my heart through the next turn. Whether I am ready or not, things happen to remind me.

I will always be returning, always voyaging, cycling, circling, returning…..this is what I know. This state of constant evolution as Me, is …. Well, it makes my heart smile. It’s my return, it’s where I came from, it’s Me.

2012

2012-01-01T18:43:00.005-06:00

I hereby declare FAITH. yes. FAITH. I kind of want to scream it. Aloud.

Faith, you glorious noun!Confidence, Trust, Belief, Obligation of loyalty.

Oh how fine is faith. But methinks faith is rather verb-y. practicing faith feels very important. I mean confidence does not just sit on its ass awaiting a good dusting off when you need to haul it out for a parade. Trust is active. Belief is vigorous. And having faith takes a lively mind, body and spirit.

By declaring Faith, I feel quite vulnerable. It feels like I am somewhat in UNprotective custody of the Universe. Anyone can come along and grab a hold of my grounded self and give my faith a shake.
I am not sure if I am ready, but I am willing to be AT Faith

Fruitful Actions......& Stuff

2011-12-12T20:22:00.002-06:00

"Let not the fruit of your action be your motive to action. Your business is with the action alone, not with the fruit of the action" - The Bhagavad Gita

Internal Disciplines

MIND

Continue studying Japanese language (spoken, written)

Continue practicing the ukulele (and reading music)

BODY

Practice Yoga 30 minutes daily (optimum to work up to an hour)

Drink 4 glasses of water daily

SPIRIT

Perform honoring ritual with each dark and full moon phase
Perform magickal working in conjunction with working toward personal disciplines

EMOTION

Journal daily
Self check-in on how I feel, what I need.

Begin

2011-12-12T19:14:00.000-06:00

“Hello my friend, I see your back again…….. hello mystery, don’t bother to explain.”

*le sigh*

Begin. Begin at the begining. Where to begin? Was I at the begining in the first place? Where the fuk is the begining? I don’t recall anything “ending”.

I do seem to have an avoidance issue going over here… dammit! This tells me that whatever is on the rise is going to be oh-so-wow.

I sit here in this decemberunderground, ruminating over beginnings. And where to begin … And I suppose the best thing to do is to begin where I am at. Where exactly am I? I can only figure that out by shuffling backwards a bit so I can get my bearings.

The last year or so has been one of those long winters, even in the summer … Giving the gift of grand illusion and being a functioning cave dweller … And now Ms Sunshine likes Stars. I think that’s the sunshine I can handle for now.

I think I am going to set some internal disciplines for myself.

Be the guardian of me.

2012...Faith

2011-11-21T18:47:00.000-06:00

The spiritual year has been declared as “Be the Magick”…..and now it is time to declare my personal year that will intertwine with this.

I shall be declaring 2012 as my year of faith.

FAITH: confidence, trust, loyalty, belief, conviction, devotion……….. I think this is self directed… and perhaps a bit outwardly directed also. Will I spend the year humming old George Michael tunes? Maybe……. Maybe not… maybe sometimes.

After all, I gotta have faith... *grin*

exchange..…the energy of love.

2011-11-20T21:08:00.000-06:00

And I am the one who keeps an eye out for each blissful moment that pleasures and affirms me. A smile, a hug, a card in the mail…a kind word, the full moon, the scent of burning leaves in the fall. There is an exchange for each gift I give and receive…the energy of love.

Pent and Re-Pent were in a boat....

2011-11-20T18:59:00.000-06:00

I'm reading. I like reading, yano. :)

Reading about Saint Mary of Egypt's exploits..... wooooo whattta gal.

Anyhow, what grabbed me tonight was this concept of repentance. WTF is repentance really *and* is there some real (non-religious) definition out there that I can personally like and weave it in...much like I ended up doing with the word/ concept of 'Sacrifice'....?

Repenting seems to me like I should feel guilt. I dislike guilt. It's like a nasty virus that never goes away- but constantly and consistantly gnaws at your spirit until you feel badly for even breathing upon this Earth.

Blargh.

Fuk that chit.

Perhaps it's in the levels somewhere? You do something, and through the experience of doing it you find yourself saying "Awww damn, i maybe should have not done that... it ended up pretty crappy and I feel sorta bad." You feel bad, you forgive yourself and you move on. So, I am guessing that THAT is a level of repentance that I can handle.... because that level is the only level I know.

1.deep sorrow, compunction, contrition, or wrongdoing.

2. regret for any past action

Past? Well, ok.. I supose anything 1 moment past the time I might do something regrettable.. is PAST. Okay... I can live with that. I can live with that, like I can live with forgiveness... because forgivness does not mean condoning--forgiveness is letting go and moving on.

Goddess Explorations

2011-09-18T17:07:00.003-05:00

I’m laying aside the fact that I’ve always been rather multi-denominational and have honored many aspects of the Divine since I was a preteen so I can see where I am headed in my musings.

The first aspect of Goddess I connected with on a deep level with was Elen of the Ways. She is also known as Nahelenia or St. Helen. At that time all I could really find out about Her was on a couple of online sites and in a MZB book; I had to really meditate and listen and connect with Her in my own way.

After some time it became apparent that she absolutely is Goddess of the paths or ways that are available. Whether they are dream paths or earth paths, She is present always. She is the stars that shine so I can walk the path of my choosing.

Later on I would honor Her in a project, saying:

She is Protectress of the Pathways; whether they are physical, mental, or spiritual paths. She is Guardian of all who journey.

”Oh lady of the moonpath bright,
and Sea-lanes laid by sun’s fair rays,
the Dragon paths from height to height,
and all the hidden holy ways
Oh Lady Elen of the Ways…”

The next aspect of Goddess I deeply connected with was Liban. She is truly an empowering aspect of Goddess that speaks to me of being who I am, and enjoying me, as I am. I would go on to reflect upon and write about Her qualities as “health, abundance, resilience, freedom, expression and protection, pleasure” I have learned from Liban well, to live authentically.

Elen and Liban work well together and I think that if perhaps I had not taken the step to offer myself in Elen’s service that I may not have steps out so bravely on all the many paths I honor.

The next aspect of Goddess that I felt deep connection with was Psyche. She is still teaching me about knowing who I am and how to explore myself so that my daily life has peace during transformations. Through the tasks given to her, I have been able to learn from Her path and “redirect the focus inward, where our true source of power resides.”

Psyche, together with Elen and Liban formed a long standing triad of Goddess aspects that I adored deeply. They consistently give me Emotional, Mental, and Physical aspects of Goddess to embrace.

I explored other aspects of Goddess (Calliope, Oya, Cerridwyn, etc…), and honored them in mini rituals and such…but never connected as deeply as I had with Elen, Liban and Psyche until I met Hestia. Hestia is deep emotion, ardent service…She is the deep firey heart.

Earth, Water, Air, Fire…… I suppose I could say. And what comes to mind is that for Spirit… I simply said/thought “Goddess” … as in She who is All the Aspects. This brings me to where I sat this morning and afternoon.
If I took all of the crayons from the box and scribbled wildly on white paper……….I would get a deep, dark and fathomless color that I would not be able to define as one specific color….. The scribbles would be black. I would know this because every color imaginable resides in the color black. Even in the dark black I can make out silver and red, and gray. It’s a lot like night and being in the dark…. You see flashes of colors…. Swirls and glitters. Moon and Stars. I only know the color of black because I know the other colors….. My primary colors. My primary aspects of Goddess. It makes sense that this new deep acquaintance is Night. (Nyx, Nox…etc…) because She is each of these Goddesses…. The Blue of Liban, the Green of Elen, the Red of Hestia and the gorgeous rainbow of Psyche.

The Book

2011-08-14T08:04:00.000-05:00

Oh brave new world that has such people in it! Ones that write.
I'm a reader. So, how the heck did I end up writing a sweet lil thing like
The Spirituality, Ritual, and Magic of Goddess? Oh, let me share the joy of creation.
The inspiration for this was born from a few things.

Like magick, it's not as complicated as rocket science. I wanted to create a short course to share this so I asked my friend Tranquillity if she would be willing to bounce some ideas with me. She and I bounced, so much so that when the word counter said 4000, we stuttered to a stop and had to ask ourselves just. What in greatfuks name was really being created here.
I thought of my bookcase, that holds books that are filled to the edges with the same thing...over and over, but just in a new perspective. I've flipped through numerous books to find only a feeling of why...why all the foofy stuff.
We laughed that should one put their mind to it, the whole of both our spiritual libraries and knowledge could be condensed into a brochure.

1. Get off the couch or not.
2. Go create.
3. Don't hurt anyone on purpose.

..... Yeah, nice brochure *grin*

Even with all our vast life experiences and differences, we both come from a common background of instruction from our mutual teacher. We both also chose to create our own spiritual paths. That is what we do over at Sisters in Celebration; we encourage authenticity.
Being multi-denominational, Tranquillity and I are mixing and matching what we like and jettisoning out what we do not. The stuff that floats away, is not bad or wrong really... It's just not what we want at certain moments. We might go back and investigate something we flicked away at a later time.... It happens. That is how it rolls at Sisters in Celebration. That is why SIC is there, that is why It was created.... So women can gather in their authenticity.

So, yeah.... Book? Yeah. It happened somewhere along the time we realized that the book we would like to have for a main go to text did not exist. We asked ourselves the easy questions.
How do you do a magical working? And we laid it out easy. No running off to the forest to dig roots.... But the reality that someone like me has a junk drawer that holds a myriad of things just waiting to help me create magick.

WTF is prayer? And we scooted into some straightness that she and I had figured out along our own paths.... Like prayer is not just a Christian concept. (both she and I enjoy a bit of Christianity mixed in with some Wicca....)

We explored how we both performed ritual, how we connected to Goddess, and how we practiced our spirituality by simply living it.
Armchair spiritualists and football fans know that you can enjoy the ideas and the play by plays..... Without ever leaving the living room. What we wrote together gives you no story to get into, no fluff to translate into your own life, and no excuse not to actively practice and experience your spirituality right from your favorite living room chair.

It's a quick read, and one that I hope a woman will read, and set down, remember and know that she is Goddess and live her spirituality in such a way that she glitters and shines Divine. .....And i hope she knows that somewhere ( actually, right here in my smile) she is honored and appreciated for being herself.

The Spirituality, Ritual and Magick of Goddess ebook

Sisters in Celebration

To.............

2011-08-08T19:50:00.001-05:00

I'm trying to remember how it all goes without you as the guardian. I keep making mistakes. A lot. I forget and no one notices but me. I am not sure how I feel about that.

Now that it is my own surrender that I own... I can't help but feel somewhat apprehensive. Truth, I'm wanting to stretch the boundaries I once knew and see where I land. I am doing the same thing over and over and over.

I know your out there somewhere. I know I am thankful for your existence on this planet and I know I hear your voice saying "Be you, that's My expectation."

I'm breathing and living and dropping F-bombs. I'm engrossed in reading porn and my spirituality. I'm slacking on learning Japanese and my attempt at piano kind of lagged.

I know I am supposed to be shining bright and I feel my spark driving higher... But the deep dark was so specially restful. Zero expectations. Not even from myself... The Perfectionist.

I miss you. I miss your attention. I miss having someone guarding me who sees me.

I know it's forward from here... I know that... But I think it is ok to miss.

I do not yearn for a return to former ways... I desire a new way. We gave me an excellent foundation. I can do this. Yes.

Perhaps you'd feel proud of me if you knew all if this; I can not presume. I'd like to imagine a smile, a chuckle, and a GoodGirl.
So, I shall.

One Dark Flame

2011-08-06T14:32:00.000-05:00

Of late, I’ve been on a rather way out inner journey with Hestia.

Begin at the beginning, right?

Ok.

Back in 2004 when I was on a little journey to meet up with my (primal) Wordless Wummin …chit happened.

“I have danced with her, but never quite knew what that feeling was all about. The visualization made all of the difference. Key points – clay, water, rocks, sun, the breeze in the trees. All elements were there. My hands were empty of a gift to give her- I opened my arms and she took my clothes! She danced and decorated the trees with them. Another point was that she poked me one I was naked- she was making the gesture that we were the same. Her gift to me from her cave was a clay lamp – roughly made, smooth and cool to the touch. I had a full vision of myself. It was a lot like watching a movie in a way.”

Fast Forward to 2007 when I am creating a webpage for a Sacred Hearth……

Hullo Hestia. :-)

She strolled right up and said ‘Oi! That looks like a sacred hearth- thank you very much’

Quick click to NOW:

I was skipping happily through an exploration of Pentacles… and Wordless Wummin shows up in my journey:

“I came out of my internal sacred space by way of a dark tunnel. The tunnel opened wider and wider until I could stand up. I stepped out into a clearing that was surrounded by a loose ring of trees. Dressed in a white nightgown, I wandered the clearing. I was waiting for anything, anyone, And Nothing came. I sat on the ground; I rocked back and forth, waiting. I felt very lonely inside, with all the waiting. I occupied myself by stripping off the nightgown and covering up with it. Hiding. Peeking out. Hiding again.

I wandered the circle again, dragging my nightgown along behind me…trailing from my right hand. As I looked around, I felt like maybe I was done waiting. That maybe I was here, like the trees were.

I went around the circle of trees, rubbing up against them. I could feel the stinging scrape of the bark against my back, legs, thighs and arms. I made the circuit. I wondered briefly if I was making a statement or of I was mingling with the trees. I wondered if I was marking to say that I existed there too. Maybe this was an offering of sorts. I thought a lot of things….

With debris in my hair, my face dirt streaked, and my body somewhat scraped raw in places- I felt very much okay. The next moment brought me Wordless Wummin. From nowhere the thought came that this was why I was there, to meet with her. That she was who I needed right now.

The dance began so quickly, that we were no longer separate. She took me into her. We existed in one body, together…dancing. Dancing- the dance was shifting from one foot to the other, a mimicking of a monkey dance I suppose. We danced and danced, Sweat mingling with the dirt and blood and debris from the clearing. I had that thought, that feeling. I turned to her within this body we shared and asked… “Show Me, show me your message ….” And like SuperBitch she shoved me right out of the shared body and onto the floor of the clearing! I was picking my ass up , in shock and was all “THAT is showing me?? What the fuck?!” She reached out, and hugged me to her tightly, loving on me and took me within…. Once again we shared the body. And then, suddenly she again pushes me out. My ass on the ground again and AHA. Ok. Thank you. I am her- She is me.

We danced the dance again… and we shifted within to coexist within one body. “

--So, I’m happy with the revelation that we are one. That I need to express myself just as I AM. From center, the gut. Sometimes words are not enough, (duh!) and actions speak louder and with a great deal more clarity that any amount of rambling. And…. *I AM HER*

Did I mention Keys? Oh the freaking keys. Scads of keys. Keys on posters I’ve been sent by a publisher. Keys on spam mail at work. Keys in pics sent to me by a groovy galpal as she was getting her tattoo (real not henna!) Keys…. Also… umm.. yeah.. a symbol of Hestia.

A splendid friend is also exploring pents and she had created a fire altar and this clicked for me… Fire.. Center … Flame… Center of the flame…!

Next thing you know here I sit with a groovy henna tattoo of a symbol of Hestia on my left foot & a fire in my belly ready to roll.

Add to that the click of remembrance of the 2004 and the Wordless Wummin and the lamp! .. Lamp being a symbol of Hestia. Le Flame! Direct hit on the message from AFI via tattoo’ed splendid galpal.

“we all form one dark flame” ~ Miseria Cantare

This is a wild ride. That I think I like. It’s healing. No. It has HEALED.

Where once upon a time I was ALL about service… I had to holler for a retreat from the front lines and take my wounded self off to the dark sparkly cave for some ME time. Now, I’ve used the key, the flame, and my personal belief in Service to heal and come full circle back to a place I remember, love, and am oh-so comfy in.

*listen to theme from Welcome Back Kotter*

Personal Cake

2011-06-14T10:43:00.000-05:00

My sense of self preservation does not allow me to freak out for very long.
I tear down walls that I built with my own hands and ... it hurts.
I don't know how to do anything but be here in my body with quick trips to my mind.
Tiny bites of my personal cake --
I get full or get a tummy ache-- I rest and heal... and then revisit.

Elemental Moi

2011-03-27T13:50:00.000-05:00

... which is maybe French'ish for all of the things I discovered yesterday.

ELEMENTAL notetaking:

Spirit :
Mindfulness, Awareness, Presence. Expand and FEEL the world. Spiral in and be aware of myself. Spiral outwards and be mindful of the world.

Question -> :Do I feel complete?:
Answer -> I feel complete'ish. :-)
*Honestly, do I want completion? I think not so much. If I were complete, the journey would be over and I would be dead or very bored. :-(

I need MORE Spirit Cake!!!

Everything- even the invisible is magnificent and glorious.
Acknowledge the possibility of everything Unseen.

Earth:

Hitherto known and loved as Erf!

Strength: I risk myself. I risk being vulnerable and being judged. But my Own strength to blossom AS I AM, is worth the risk.

Peace Cake!

My Own Healing- Smile Everywhere. Love when I am angry, when I am sad, or emo or whatever... happy..jiggly and flailing in confusion.

My Inner Landscape ! It shifts and evolves as my experience outside of it makes it so.
Wooded Glen. River Stones. Babbling Brook. Soft Breezes and the Presence of Goddess.

Erf Messages.....
(my) Messages (are)experiennced intuitivley and sometimes so covertly that I miss them ....until I notice their sudden integration.

Water

TRUST IN WORDLESS WUMMIN !!!!!!!!!!

Embrace My Wombanity (hug it, love it, kiss it, name it.)

Love OPEN.

The River of Me ~~~~~Surrender~~~~Flow~~~~Love~~~~~

Fire

Creative Connections - within & without

I am like lightening --> Hard/ Fast/ Bright/ Random/ Illuminating.... Hello Focused Intetion :-)

Question: "Do I live life passionately?"
Answer: FUCK YES!

My Center = somewhere 'ish. :-)

Air

I am like the wind..... I am limitless and I can not be harnessed UNLESS I choose.

Response & Reaction are not the same. I can respond without reacting.

Breathing, remembering the gift exchange of air. (co2 / o2) reminds me I am part of the Whole.

Ahh surrender. :-)

2011-03-10T21:45:00.000-06:00

Surrender is not for chickenshits yano? lol. It takes a hella strong person to LIVE in the moment. Its fear that keeps most from experiencing the present for the gorgeous moment that it is. Worry about the future, or worry about the past... Fear of forgetting something important, fear of remembering crap better left forgotten. gah. It's a whirlwind that fills up your dance card so that one does not even get to break in the new shoes. How can one do the floppy boot stomp while sitting on the sidelines of life and watching the moments that are 7 billion moments away from even happening? Crimeny- what a script THAT must be to write and worry over and manipulate into being.

I hafta say, the present is fun. the present is also fucked up and smelly. BUT it's in the past by the time it is reflected upon.. by then it does not seem as nasty as it was when it was the present. Oh! and lest I forget... the present also gives this fantastic feeling of wonderment to ...hmm.. everything!

I swear I am happiest when I am oblivious to past and future (to a certain extent..lol.. I do need to be all wise n responsible n chit... roof over my head and all that jazz)

*nodding* Surrender ...Control. Hmmm... gifting control to The Moment perhaps. Having the control/ authority/ empowerment to go 'hey moment... i trust.' (Now who the hell knows what will happen with that declaration.... but it's like spell work... "I trust that/ I will that.... all shall be as is shall be. So mote it be!)

When I surrendered. Yeah... I verbed my life all up into SURRENDER... I aquired a silver length of chain that fits my wrist and a very, very tiny working silver padlock. (I got the idea from a friend whose lifestlyle is not one I could perhaps possibly live- but some aspects when tuned into the Self are rather empowering for me.) Anyhow....it's existsence serves to remind me that * I choose*. It is up to me. End of story. I am SO very much in control... As Queen Of Me... I am able to now surrender and be a gift to not just myself..but to the moment.

Sister-Star

2011-03-07T13:30:00.000-06:00

*~Nessa~*

In the circle, we have the four quarters, north, south, east and west, plus above and below. These are the six directions, and the center of the circle, the place of stillness from which they all radiate, is considered the seventh.

Clockwise from top:

Sisterhood
Celebration
Love
Strength
Inspiration
Unity
Empowerment
Center --> Goddess

It begins with Sisterhood; we seek Connection. We Celebrate in finding the commonality that we share with our sisters. Goddess. Through sister-love and sister-strength, we rise into harmony. We Inspire and we are Inspired. We experience and witness each others journeys. We are United in Sisterhood, United in Goddess. We step into our empowerment, we empower ourselves and one another. All connected in our spiritual journeys, our hearts and lives from the Center.

THE CENTER

(by: Mircea Eliade)

A universe comes to birth from its center;

It spreads out from a central point that is,

As it were, its navel...

The Center is precisely the place where a break in plane occurs,

Where space becomes sacred, hence pre-eminently real.

A creation implies a super-absence of reality, in other words,

An eruption of the sacred into the world.

Samhain: A Personal Transformation

2011-03-07T13:18:00.002-06:00

by Nessa
Here is my Samhain train of thought; my conversation with myself.

Samhain rolls around and brings to mind the giant cauldron we keep candy in for the trick-or-treaters. I run down my mental association list -- Samhain, death, rebirth, transformation, knowledge, cauldron, Cerridwen, elixir, wisdom, what do I know..Aha!

I think to myself; what do I know?...candy!.... I need...candy...I need to know myself so I can transform like Gwion maybe. Candy...what am I made of? Sugar & Spice? I need to know so I can journey onward...

Personal Ritual for the Waxing Moon this Samhain
(special note: if there are allergies or you wish to change your correspondences- please follow your instincts and do so)

Gather: Mini-Cauldron, spoon, small bottle with tight lid,
Incense [ that invokes a feeling of wisdom within you..your choice!
Red wine, pepper, honey, mint,
one white candle [Goddess energy]
one yellow candle [knowledge, wisdom]

ALTAR SETUP

Set up the altar & set other items aside, but within the space.

Begin by purifying yourself with the rose incense. Create a sacred space or circle utilizing the incense; also focus creating the circle out of love and trust to invoke wisdom and transformation.

"Ceridwen’s cauldron holds many mysteries. What is the mystery of me? What are some of my correspondences?" (Light white candle)
"Cerridwen, I call to Thee" (light yellow candle) "Let this cauldron hold the elixir of me."
"Red wine to represent my Earthiness and Intellect" (pour a bit of wine into the cauldron)
"Pepper to represent my Zest and boldness" (put in a pinch of pepper)
"Honey to represent my Natural sweetness and clarity of thought" (put in a few drops of honey)
"Mint to represent my Freshness and spontaneity" (sprinkle in a bit of mint)
"I stir this cauldron three times round" (stir clockwise 3x's)
"Wisdom, Beauty, and Strength to me are bound."

"Cerridwen, I know that I am the cauldron.
For that which I sought inside myself, I have found." (Take a 3 drops of the elixir and place on your tongue.)

"I hold the essence, the knowledge of myself," (Pour rest of elixir into the bottle)
"I take it with me wherever I may go" (put lid on bottle)
"Thank you Goddess for your blessings - Hail and farewell!"

Ground, Center, and open circle.

**bottle of elixir may be opened and poured as a libation, saying "To the Goddess that I am; for I am an aspect of the Goddess Cerridwen."

Inner Beauty

2011-03-07T13:09:00.002-06:00

~*Created By *~Nessa*~

I am birthed from Goddess,

Beautiful and Divine.

Let the beauty of my soul

Radiate and Shine.

Stamina and Patience

2011-03-07T13:08:00.000-06:00

~*Created by~*Nessa*~

Items required: water.

*Drink water, touch water, or look at water

I have the grace of the falling rain.

I have the strength of the running tide.

I have the power of water’s force.

Within

2011-03-07T13:02:00.002-06:00

~*Created by ~* Nessa*~

Items required: water.

*Drink water, touch water, or look at water

"Blessed Water

I honor your precious gifts

May I understand my own flow and depths."

No Chaos

2011-03-07T13:01:00.005-06:00

~*Created by ~* Nessa*~

Items required: 1 black candle (Chaos), 1 white candle (Goddess), one candle of any color (Self).

Blessed Goddess

Bring me to your place of stillness in the chaos around me, so that I may see the path before me.

(Light Self candle)

Chaos pass over me.

Chaos pass through me.

Chaos pass around me.

I will balance the chaos.(Light black candle)

I will live in peace. (Light white candle)

With harm to none. As I will it, so it must be.

*Let candles burn to completion. Dispose of drippings in proper receptacles.

Release Stress

2011-03-07T13:01:00.004-06:00

To be performed in the shower or bath. You may even simply wash your hands.

"Water wash the stress away, let not my focus go astray.

Water blesses and transforms me, love soaks in and joy adorns me."

~*Created by ~* Nessa*~

Reviving and Affirming Goddess Connection

2011-03-07T13:00:00.001-06:00

~*Created by ~* Nessa*~

By Earth, By Air, by Fire, By Water

Goddess is within Her daughter.

*offer libation*

By Water, by Fire, By Air, By Earth.

Goddess, thank you for your blessings upon this hearth

PROTECTION

2011-03-07T12:59:00.003-06:00

~*Created by ~* Nessa*~

Items required: small shell filled with salt water.

*Dip finger in salt water, anointing yourself on your chakra points

Salt of the Ocean

Salt of the Earth

From the Ocean I sprang, upon my Birth

With Venus I rose above Sea and Shell

By power of myself and Salt,

I am protected well.

Personal Inspiration

2011-03-07T12:58:00.001-06:00

~*Created by ~* Nessa*~

Items required: Paper, pen, fire.(matches, lighter)

*Write your name or personal symbol on paper. Ignite with fire source.

Embers of creativity, Spark into flame

Inspiration flourishes in my name

my inner sanctuary

2011-03-07T12:53:00.000-06:00

muahaha. the inner sanctum.... sanctuary... my sanctuary.

a rustic one room log cabin in a secluded wood by a small brook. Out of the front door I can step out about 6 yards maybe and be in the center of the tiny stream. Clear sparkling water, smooth stones to stand upon in my always bare feet. Always with a large bowl in hand, dipping into the water..."blessed be my feet"

Across the stream, the large tree with the three large, flat, round stones at the base. Blessing them as I swirl water in shapes I am familiar with. "Maiden, Mother, Crone in me- all 3 in harmony".......and I step onto the soft path that leads me to a small clearing that's about 20 steps away.

In the clearing there is a stone altar about knee high to me. Always. it awaits me to place the bowl of water upon it. "Blessed be my knees, as they kneel at the sacred altar"...I dip into the water and anoint my knees and then kneel upon the grown before the altar. I go through blessing myself each time I am at my sanctuary.

I explore around the clearing sometimes, not much. I think I would like to do that more.

I also never had a house there before too long ago. It started as just a clearing in the woods and grew to having a stream, then I placed the rocks there under the tree.

The house is a log cabin type, one room. Right now, I have only explored a corner, where I spied a bed I think.

I would like to journey more in that house, see what awaits me.

Sparklie Lyrics & Music

2011-02-19T06:06:00.000-06:00

Sometimes its the words...sometimes it is the lyrics..sometimes it's the melody......the drums, the bass.. the orchestra..........the whatever.

Muse ~ Starlight: You electrify my life, let's conspire to ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive.

AFI~ 37mm: Who will heal me? ME.

Julian Casablancas~ 11th Dimension: Don't you dare get to the top and not know what to do.

MGMT~ Hot Love Drama: You came and you saw and you spoke and I conquered most fears but not all.

Jimmy Buffett~ Changes in Latitudes: If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.

Boy George~ More Than Likely: What's the use in closing all the doors that let the loving into you.

Big Country~ Big Country: Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming.

My Stuff

2011-02-19T05:24:00.000-06:00

and the food for thought I am munching on right now is ~ my stuff .
(the accumulation of honestly tender tidbits of time, love and joy).
They are indeed a buffer between me and the world...... but oi! some stuff hasta go... no room for everything..but some stuff... which on a gloomy day might brighten my eyes.. can be percieved as junk when I have a day where everything is right and gorgeous in the Universe.

Ode to Neat Little Boxes

2011-01-24T19:26:00.001-06:00

Hope- the last thing left in Pandora's box... possibly the only intangible thing we can hold on to....

~Oh Sweet

Neat Little Boxes.

Everywhere.

Mine.

Lined up in a row in My Mind.

Nothing escapes.

Nothing runeth over.

Keep all safe.

Sound.

Scream at Neat little Boxes.

Like the one I live in.

My Box.

My Sweet Neat Little Box.

Where everything runs wild and free

but..........

Only inside the Neat Little Box.

Tea Party ...from Hell

2011-01-23T08:32:00.000-06:00

For the past few weeks I have been mentally and emotionally BUSY. I re-learned to ASK for HELP. I re-learned how to SHARE my FEELINGS. blargh. Unlike a good little militantly- feminist- vulcan....I surrendered my party to the fact that oooo...

Hello EGO.... I wondered where you and your spazzy ID had gone off too...

Hello Inner Judge.... nice to have you back and rolling ready to judge situations, people, and bad porn.

Hello Rage.... how nice to meet you! We may have briefly met in passing... how loverly to get to know you so fucking deeply.

Hello Hurt.... Hello Insecurity....Fear... is that you!!!!.... Tea? Anyone?

It's been a tea party from Hell, that morphed into a session of learning and growth. (OK, that is what it feels like today anyhow) I am not sure I like this thoughtful place. Pooh likes it bunches... but I am all wiggly here.

One thing I am glad of...Open. Being open at this 'party'.... being raw and unkempt and uncomposed .... (get this!) From a PLACE OF LOVE!

*looks around for Rejection*...... hmmm no attendance. good.

It's blasted January. This year o Joy is off to a partying start. Evidently one must clean house before a great Joy party.

Hola Hathor!

2011-01-03T20:37:00.002-06:00

Tis travel time again.
In declaring my year of Joy this year, I was suddenly thwaked with this funky feeling of being 'in-between'. Neither here nor there, not anywhere really. It felt like I was just lounging until the next big thing. I was feeling a bit antsy today while cooking. Wait- I was cooking a lot. I made brown rice, veggie soup and then some tonkatsu. I walked to the bookcase and flipped through books, just saying in my heart... "show me". I was distracted and as I was finishing up the last bit of cooking I wandered back over and picked a random book and flipped it open.

Hello Hathor.
What I know about Hathor fits in a sentence or two, so when I read the passage and was delighted when I read about Her relationship with Joy. I tried to imagine Her image and had a thought that it might be in the Goddess deck I purchased at my first women's conference in Mankato, MN. She was. Oh was She.

Hello again, Hathor.
The card depicting Hathor made me gasp aloud. Was this? Oh. Yes. This is it! The very same card I randomly drew during a shamanic session at the very same conference. The very same card that freaked me out years ago when I drew it the morning after I had this amazing dream of blue light pouring from my throat chakra.

A Hathor'ish journey Part Un.
That shamanic journey during that session brought me to a splendid cave via a canoe just large enough to embrace me. I recall the cave that the water ran into. Looking around in awe at all of the pale blue stones, as large as my palm, just sitting in the walls, shining, beckoning. I recall the canoe stopping and that I climbed out and wandered back and forth. When it was time to go, I so desperately wanted to take as many of those stones as I could carry back with me into the world. It occurred to me as I was gathering them, that I could not actually take them with me but I could take the memory of them with me. Putting them back and crawling back in the boat was not as difficult as one would think. I was very happy, bubbling with joy that I had this memory.

A Hathor'ish journey Part Deux.
So even I can imagine my own cosmic aha at seeing Hathor once again. Especially after over a handful of years. I held the card in one hand, and a pen in the other and opened my heart to hear Her heart.
::Hello again. Miss me? yearn for me? you should have used your voice and called for me. The moon and the sun within me and you...blue sweeping chakra. Hello Voice. Using it is scary, but can bring much joy.
Oh. That is why your with me sweetie. It's your year of joy. Well, it looks like you and I are going to do some happy exploring. Think about the lion, the cow. think of my celebrations in your daily life. I am joy. Flirt with the Universe. Wink at the stars. I am here as you birth your joy. No need to embrace only fear-have joy all forms. Joy is within.

What the hell? Awwww....Hathor, so groovy!

OK. Fine. Joy. Everywhere. I get it darlin'. Now there's something here that was not here before. That feeling of being in-between is not very here. I shall take your message and run wildly with it. Invoking joy, celebrating and using my authentic voice to relay that joy I have within myself.

Expectations O Luv

2011-01-02T16:39:00.000-06:00

I have the idea that no one can love us as we wished to be loved. they can simply love us. some will come very, very close. and some will miss the mark by 100 miles. but I suppose that helps us define exactly what our expectations are concerning how we wish to be loved. we can relay our needs and wants- and we can be met or denied. I think that is the hardest part... asking for the affection, attention and such things that we internally crave. We can assume that we are 'unto ourselves', and we are. we SO are! but damn, it's nice and nourishing to be loved by another... even if it is not in the exact way we expect it.

I wish to say more, offer examples and such...but it seems like that is too much. after all .. the above was simply a response to a posting made by another.. and my expectations of loving are a lovely way for me to try to control things. I can personally not control another's way of loving, but I can do my best to offer information and insights that serve as gentle reminders of what I find appealing. I do not have to surrender to 'less than', but I happen to think that mildly I misinterpret. Love is........... like those darling characters from the 70's.
To me:
Love is.......... bringing me a box of kleenex when I need it,
Love is.......... not bothering me when I am reading unless someone is dying.
Love is..........making me scream your name quite loudly when I am naked.
Love is........... supporting my life choices, even though they are not yours.
Love is a lot of things. Like an unexpected oil change when I am forgetful.

My life is not a romance novel written by a professional writer. It is my romance, and I assist in ~~writing~~ it.....living it. I live it, interpret it as I see fit and revel in the madness of loving expectations. Blessed fucking roller coaster.... could a gal ask for more?
yes.

High Esteem & Gifting

2011-01-02T16:29:00.000-06:00

There's a saying " never give yourself to anyone who does not hold you in the highest esteem".... not sure who said it, but it has stuck with me for a very long time. At one time I thought it was perfect. At one other time I thought it was broken. I am back to thinking that it is quite perfect, and my perspective was skewed. *grin*
To desire to be a gift to the world and be present for anyone and everyone is a seriously noble thing. Like Mother Teresa or Ghandi or someone...I am not them. Sometimes I need to hold back the gifting, it's not that I am stingy, but that someone is confusing me with a doormat and pissing me off.

Davey Havok + Beguines + Mother Theresa

2010-12-23T14:48:00.000-06:00

Faster than the 7 degree's of Kevin Bacon- I come speeding down this mind's highway to connect some dots. I suppose I can construe any bit of information I lay my hands upon to connect the dots, right?

Themes of longing and suffering, freedom and more...all ring through a lot of AFI songs. Beguines. Those nifty Brides of the Desert.... always longing, yearning for that "communion" the ecstatic hell-o with the Divine. They were always going about it in the most gorgeous of mundane ways.

[Davey Havok] AFI (especially the Cd's, Sing the Sorrow & Decemberunderground) seem to have that desert connection too; that hot, dry want of something more, more than himself. (gee, don't everybody want summa dat?) and then he goes and gets his Bard on and goes COLD & WET............ decemberunderground.

Decemberunderground is the comforting equivalent perhaps of the desert that these medieval gals have been blasting on about that no one could barely comprehend unless they had their bright glitters and dark sparklies going on.

The somewhat mythical "Decemberunderground" is very similar to the Desert that the Beguine poetic texts refer to.

" Knowledge escapes me [I am] beyond understanding and far beyond sense. Therefore I must be silent and still and remain where I am. But it resembles a desert to be there in this way because there, neither sense nor word can obtain or achieve anything." - Mengeldicht.

But the desire to express and communicate always comes through.. It did for the love mystics and it did for AFI.

I first connected with the idea of Mother Theresa x Davey Havok because of her long dark night of the soul and the reflective nature of the lyrics of many AFI songs.

I still get that... MT was all about being of service and being IN service throughout her life and even in her deep despair and longing for a connection with the divine. Her sense of loss was deep and she ended up having faith that she had faith. (to summarize)

The AFI tunes are all light/dark.......... it's very much saying that even in the dark, it's sparkly. A certain measure of comfort in hanging out with the bits that rarely (if ever) are in the bright glittery.

The Interview kicked in to replay about 25 times a day for a week and it struck me....that the experience of the Beguines is that they recognized that " it is precisely at that moment of agony of longing love that (wo)man is closest to God." ~ Brides of the Desert by Saskia Murka-Jansen

I'm not sure where else to go with this, nor what conclusion I am drawing here. Tis likely nothing and everything. Simply dots I have connected... but still...I feel lovely for having stumbled upon something that I can use as a springboard for thought.

Year O Joy

2010-12-21T19:09:00.000-06:00

Silly moi, I thought there could be only 1 declaration per year. That I was required to focus soley upon one thing and elarn from it. Maybe it was like that a few years ago, and now having a greater understanding of myself- I see that this is not so.
Somehow I thought by the 'signs' and 'vibes' I was feeling that I was perhaps supposed to focus on knowing. This is what was offered based upon the card drawn in October- but that card was not for me, alone.... that was for everyone in its entirety.

"Surrender to the naked truth of what you love" says "The Brez" this week in my 'scope.. Moon, that is.
Aries moon......... sit a spell, it's time to weave some Solstice magicks.
I've declared Love. I've declared Peace. These are parts of my naked truth.
Now onto a 3rd aspect of this grand nudity.

Joy.......the emotion of great happiness.
Joy.
I declare JOY.
Unadulterated, unpresidented, unavoidable fucking JOY.
2011
My personal year shall be joyful.

There will be joy to be had in the chit, the drama, the funky smelly itchy mess that is life.
There wil be joy to be had in the cuddles of the cat, the hugs of another, and the reading of awesome erotica.
I know there will be joy in the dark sparklies and in the bright glitters.
I have fine expectations. I greet them with JOY.....
Love and Peace have my back-front- and all sides & inside... and Joy *is*.

Reflection 2010

2010-12-16T17:31:00.002-06:00

Reflection on 2010, my year of peace.

I declared Peace rather quietly.

This year, along with some gentle shaping of boundaries. It came in smooth, yet deeply moving.

I found that peace or getting to it, rather sucks.Scratchy.Bumpy.Fuzzy.Crinkly.Loud.

For declaring my year if peace, I sure was not feeling extra peaceful... I was rather grumbly and jumbly, looking for some neon sign that said "Yo- Peace is Here babe".

But getting to peace is an honest journey.

The thing that I do know now is that peace is about the present moment.

There is little sense in looking to attain peace. It’s like balance in that way.

You just do not attain it....... you experience it.

One brief, fleeting moment. That present moment. Peace is when your in the present moment.

Peace is the question and translated to me means to ask myself.....“Okay?”

The answer, yes or no brings peace. That's what I learned for myself.

No matter the answer, I know to ask the question.

And knowing the answer offers peace.

Year of Love

2010-12-14T06:44:00.000-06:00

I hereby declare 2009 as my personal year of love.

why not, right?

I'm gonna slam out there, and dive in myself also.

revealing and freeing, living as i am without apology or worry, and live absolutely.

f*ck it, right?;-)

vulnerability shall be my banner, heartfelt emotion shall be my bell.

I feel very inspired.

Everything and the Nothing.Full, expansive, whole. Reaching outwards to express what is within.This gives me a springboard of thought actually ....... that I am in true freedom of pure love when I do nothing which opposes the demands of the peace and desire of my core. I suppose that love could be the witness who says: Beloved, please love and do what you will..perhaps that is the ‘beyond’ in a way. ..and perhaps that, as I have thought before and strived as my own secret goal. .. to *be* love. The way beyond is through, and becoming. To live as love, that energy. Experiencing everything as that. Well. I yam what I yam.

(1.4.09)

Winter Witch

2010-12-11T18:08:00.000-06:00

Exploring the Winter Witch...........

The Earth, tilts......... am I?

Mammal's hibernate.......... Can I "refrain from hiding all of me"?

it's cold outside.......... am I?

The Winter Winds are sharp.........am I?

The long night of the Winter Solstice......... How deep can I go?

"Here it's December, everyday"

The Sun seems to stand still............ am I?

"I flee to Decemberunderground"

The Winter Witch is Dark and Sparkling... Bright and Blinding.

Is this where she resides?

I ask the Winter Wind to gift me with peacefullness.
I ask that the Fires of the Hearth keep my passions alight.

I ask the Floating Snow to share it's freedom of change
I ask the the Cold Earth to challenge me in the darkest night to connect to the Winter Witch.

I ask the Winter Witch, to greet her, that I may learn from Her.

The Dark Witch, The Bright Witch..........The Winter Witch
I revisit..........

Le Thought

2010-11-28T15:43:00.002-06:00

Aug. 30th, 2007 | 09:30 pm
mood: le thought
music: we will become sillouettes:::: the postal service

"What we call the beginning is often the end,
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from...
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."
T.S. Eliot
TS Eliot knows me. He figured out “The One Place” even as I myself tried to express all of these many years. For me The One Place is a variable. It is where I am at, no matter where I am. I am a repeater, I am a cycle-er….I am a merry-go-round. I travel round and round the wheel of my life……sometimes confusing my self by pondering the question too long, bringing in too many factors when all I need to do is simply do what I always do.What do I do?I remain present, unattached, I enjoy, I experience, I integrate, and then I know. What do I know? I know more than when I started out. Each bit of knowledge gives me a new tool to use as I go along the next round. I know myself, so much in fact that I try to complicate myself by thinking that I should be thinking. I try to “be more” than what lies within me. While this makes for a wondrous learning experience, it also brings me back to the core of who I am.

Golden Ratio Journey

2010-11-28T15:41:00.000-06:00

Aug. 31st, 2007 | 05:00 pm
mood: indescribable

i was talking with H today....laughing about how i work my way through my thoughts......she said she enjoyed the journey, that i make connections that to things she never put together and yet finally drew it all together, making my point. an excellent visual of my thought process is the Golden Ratio. See how the numbers are? These represent the connections i make along the way ... experiences, memories, others experiences, thoughts, words, etc....... movie titles, song lyrics, photographs.

I work my way along the spiraling path . Sometimes begining in the center- the inner self with a thought and then slowly make connections to things i can relate to. and then...i emerge....at the outtermost part....the outter world- past all of the layers and finally verbalize my truth, my words. Sometimes is begins at the outtermost position....something someone expresses or some visual i have, or experience....some outter commotion happens and it travels inward to my core.....i trace the path and find connections and journey inward until revelation happens. The Golden Aha! Moment!

I am laughing now....i really think this works for me, why do i fret about being any other way? i am sure everyone else does the same thing.....but perhaps it is that i negelect utilzing internal dialogue sometimes.

maybe i should do a stewardess routine when i thought process begins......
the exits are here and here... and here's some dramamine incase i get to talking excitedly!Please feel free to ask questions along the way...they help me make more connections.......our flight into my Golden Ratio will be underway in just a few seconds!

La Arousal

2010-11-28T15:39:00.000-06:00

Sep. 3rd, 2007 | 09:38 am

the thought occured to me... on being generous with my arousal *grin*
seems the more constantly/ consistently aroused i attempt to be in my life- it creates an open venue for others to be open....it surpassed arousal in a way...it creates connections beyond "fuck me" mode...it (oh help me explain! lol...) ok... it drops my inner defenses, gives me noticeable awarness and also allows me to give of myself in a generous fashion. in turn, others may not be as sexually aroused as i am, but there definitly seems to be more to arousal that just the body....but the body seems to be a key of sorts in unlocking the door to compassion and love and awareness.

...i'm still pondering it all...

Vou Le Whatnot

2010-11-28T15:35:00.002-06:00

Sep. 5th, 2007 | 07:14 pm

Random thoughts, reading this evening...The bodyprayerpath.
Chapter One....tells me that the bodyprayerpath is a multi-demoninational tantric-esque spritual path.
i do not know a whole lot about tantra, but i have been finding lately that intuitively i seem to know and practice it in some way. interesting.
i've this concept that we each carry a bit of eachother inside us that connects us to one another, and the universe. i also think that living in the present moment is valuable to life experience. and the all the LFE (life force energy) that folks are always referring to is pretty much erotic energy. sex is sparkly and creates life...therefore...sex is energy...the energy that we create is from our life force,and univeral life force...all creative all erotic.
erotic is sensual, but i think it emcompasses much more that the c*nt & c*ck...lol... it can be the creative spark that inspires joy, the deepness of the dive into emotion, the muse.

La Wait

2010-11-28T15:34:00.002-06:00

Sep. 7th, 2007 | 02:22 pm
mood: hopeful
music: promise: when in rome

i wanted to share this here because i found this bit of truth in the most interesting of places....in the consumer education room- on old yellowed paper, taped to the chalkboard...

"The greatest gift I can recieve from anyone is to be seen by them, to be heard by them, to be understood by them, and to be touched by them"~Virginia Satir

i await.
and whilst i await............i share.

i share that i justify my not reavealiing myself by thnking that i am protecting others from me glorious me that i am....this i do because i fear jugdement. that i will not be good enough, when i know that i am perfectly splendildly human......how to get over what i think that others might think as i look at myslef from their perspective.
conundrum...isn't that what that is?
i want to be seen, heard, understood.
i want to be touched....in my spirit, my heart, and my life.

i am opening. it's been a long haul...but i feel a freedom that i had never had in my past.....and the past year and a half has been the ultimate learning of me....as me.

La Awakening

2010-11-28T15:32:00.000-06:00

maybe.
lets just leave it at that ok?
i've decided to live my life as a gift :-) does that not sound wonderful?!

Sep. 13th, 2007 journal entry

La Amour

2010-11-28T15:19:00.002-06:00

10.27.07 Journal Entry

oh gee, you know in the happy-dappy quantum life i live...that thing never seem to appear until i have need of them... and this lil gem came my way...!!! i'm loving this lil prayer thingie and just gotta share the joy!

Practicing The Presence I am the Light
The Light is within me
The Light flows through me to others
The Light flows through others to me
The Light surrounds and protects me.
I am the Light.

it occurred to me that in practicing the presence of LIGHT..(light=love to me), that i become the light, and it does flow...oh how it flows! right on over to spill out on other people...(funny hhow no one minds if you spil love on them!) it just goes right on 'em, and in 'em and transforms them ...and this transofrmed light comes flowing back to me...light loves light too. it flows til i am full up and surrounded and embraced so much that i remember again that i am the light.

sorry of i babble on..i am SO in the middle of one of an AHA moment

love. love. love. love is light..i love. light is energy. love is life energy.

*trots of to do interpretive love light dance*

La.....Lost Soul.

2010-11-28T15:06:00.000-06:00

12/17/07 journal entry

The other day I lost myself. I know that I knew where I was at and all that. but my inner purpose faltered and I felt like a whirling dervish trying to find a place to stop spinning. I wanted to know what direction to go in.

I am not a sad person, but I do get distressed when this feeling comes on me out of nowhere. It is very unlike me to not have a purpose and know exactly what’s on the agenda.

I struggle and fight with it. I want to cry but can not. I want to scream but can not.

This is hard to admit…that I lost myself.

But looking back on this recent lost experience, I feel like I have learned something of value.

I am not alone. When I am most lost, and most longing to know where I am and what to do…it is then, right then…that I am swimming in myself and I am most connected.

Like a wide lake that I can not see the shores of, I dip into myself and swallow great gulps of myself and fairly drown in myself and the utter feeling of longing to be where I should.

I am right where I need to be. Somehow, in the longing…it is simply that I am *being* and this is the closest to myself, to others, to divinity…to the universe as I shall ever be.

And when I ‘find’ myself, I find myself richer for the process of loosing myself. It is a depth of growth that is immeasurable and this is why I loose myself. I surrender in the middle of diving down to find my way out and through that, I rise and resurface to be more of myself, to be more of the gift that I am, feeling clarity in my purpose.

Thank You 2010

2010-11-26T21:59:00.000-06:00

Dearest Gorgeous Heart,

Thank you.

Thank you for the last 365 days of getting up, staying awake, snoozing, cuddling, ranting, rave-ing, screeching and just doing andjust being. Thank you for your dark sparklies, your bright shimmers. Thank you for stepping up and flying out. Thank you for your hot strokes and cooling caresses. Thank you for your lunacy, your flippant oddities. Thank you for
knowing when to say E-Nuff!!! Thank you and bless your ever lovin' heart for giving me the stretches, the silence and the blasting tunes that echo in the soul.
Rock on you super groovy love thing. See you in 365!

Love, Me

* My annual thank you note to myself on Thanksgiving.

Flamin-goz

2010-10-05T20:12:00.000-05:00

How many people sit and stare and try to NOT think? gah... I do not wish to count them all. There are as many as the stars, I think.
yes... I think and think and think... I know I do.
Pink Flamingos stand on my internal lawn... they represent each random thought.
The thoughts come and they wander off... as if I have given them too much cake and they need a nap.
I admit to giving them free reign, they hopscotch by me-- I do not hold onto them any longer than I would hold it if they were on fire. perhaps barely...just barely long enough to laugh at another flamingo of thought as it dashes past.
Past....... there's the ticket to the busload of pink flamingo's waving to me with a fistfulls of feathers!
..... it's just a moment and it passes.

I'd rather spend my time with a zillion flamingos than with one.

An Exercise

2010-10-05T20:00:00.000-05:00

Dark Me Bright

Exhume My Authentic Self Reap

Manifest Myself Utilize

Covet Opportunity Persue

Possess The skill to be Own

Bleed Yearning Heal

Breathe Slowly Sigh

Gaze Future Self See

Writhe With want Shape

Intercourse Sexual, verbal, social Exchange

Sacrifice Less for More Offer

Stalk My Needs Seduce

Lust For depth Pursue

Expose My Self Reveal

Cake Batter & Balance

2010-09-16T21:14:00.000-05:00

A recent question about the spititual and mundane and certain practices prompted this response.... I did not think over deep on this, just me.. spiling my self and all that... but upon re-reading it after a day or two had passed... I find that this is something that the *blessed cake ministries* needs... Cake Batter & Balance :-)
Journey in a shamanic aspect taken out of my practice would leave me feeling just fine. However, take away my personal journey througout my days and nights and dreams.... I feel I'd have nothing.

Take my meditation away (the laying down, sitting and shutting up your brain type).... I would get by, because there are many ways to meditate (and I do most of mine standing up, moving, singing and grooving)... I think what I would have left is mindfulness... awareness.... for these can happen without typical meditation for me.

The spiritual world for me, just doesn't have a specific cross walk in my mundane physical world. I kinda need the physical world, it's where I am... where I live having my human experience...it's spiritual in itself.

It's just in- I think that is a good way to describe it.

Like my physical world is a bowl and the cake batter inside is spirit :-)

Sometimes I need to go "ok, stop.. it's Spirit time!" and start doing the MC Hammer dance....and the bowl/ balance tips to where spiritual is flowing sweetly all over the bowl and out

Blank Cake

2010-09-13T18:58:00.000-05:00

When I go to the bakery I see lovely cakes. They are all lined up and ready to go home with me. they are as needy for my intentions as I am needy to taste them. What intruiges me the most is that they are blank.
B
L
A
N
K
There are no swirly writing of Happy Birthday Bucky, nor no Congrats Merle...... They are simply blank.
B
L
A
N
K

They have pure potential and they sweetly sing to me of all the gorgeous things intended.
Like my mind, empty of designs, but heart-filled with intention.

Swooped up, taken home with love and set upon my table. My hands hovering, energy flowing, small tube of colored frosting that coordinated superbly with my intention....
a swirl, a swoop, and swoosh......
symbols, words, thought.........
blank no more~ all designed in ritual

Eating and Offering.....with love and gratitude.

Cake rituals.......... are splendid.

Buddhist Cake

2010-09-13T18:39:00.000-05:00

Cake reminds me of that story where a Buddhist -hermit'ish - holy man went up to a mountain cave to live. One day monsters showed up, he screamed and yelled for them to leave and leave him in peace. A few did and some stayed.....sitting on his bed mat, eating his food, disrupting his peace.

I remember it was written that he went on with his daily practice, and one by one the monsters left the mountain cave....except for one huge monster. The holy man offered the monster some cake, offered the monster his bed....he sort of just went on about his daily practices while being mindful of this monster and still offering this monster his food and bed. I guess one day the man stood at the cave entrance, in the light...and felt peace in the way things were ...with him, the cave and the monster...and when he turned ...the monster had vanished from the man's bed.

(a bit off track of the subject matter perhaps....but)

I know there's a better version of this story out there somewhere...but what struck me was that my own dark nights, are like shadows...like ghosts..monsters...and I can yell and some will go away, never to be seen again. A few have left later on and sometimes have found the map back to me...and me and the large shadow...we still split heads it seems every so often...but I give it some cake...I try to acknowledge it...I think just like me, the shadow wants to be known also....because the shadow is me, and I am the shadow....I would not be the woman I am without the dark AND the light...and the cake to offer.

Reflection 2009

2010-09-11T10:47:00.000-05:00

I remember having great frustration, disappointment, anger, and seething fuchsia moments. I recall fondly many high points of joy, delight, love, and ecstasy. I suppose the same could be said of any year of my life.

Back in January 2009 , I declared it as my personal year of Love. It felt delicious to claim that for myself, empowering! It was going to be "my" year. One that I could identify with, and grow in. Making it my own, in my own way exceeded every expectation I could have ever had...if I had laid expectations!

Centered on that pivot point, Love. My world and myself revolved and stretched on all directions. I reached out, reached within and touched and in return was touched. My emotions floated to the surface and I had more glimpses of my authentic self in the span of 365 days than I can recon.

What did I learn about Love?

Love lifts us up where we belong!::: Rising in love is a natural happening. "Falling in Love" leaves one perhaps with nowhere to fall but further down...falling out of love. If I spend the effort to rise in all things...why not love too? I vowed to rise in love, and never fall out of it. Love evolves, but that energy will always hold a speck of Love Energy.

Love is a many splendored thing:: It is bright and sparkly. It feels good. People who feel good are generally more pleasant to be around. Like moths to a flame it is possible to attract those who care not a whit about shining in love so I offer love but do not let them suck me dry. and like attracts like quite often, Love attracts Love.

All you need is Love:: A good foundation in all things is Love.

Love is all you need:: I need a lot of things, I am needy like that. So when I pause to wonder about this, it seems to me that farmer's choose to begin farming because of a spark of passion for it. The people who make my favorite shoes likely created them from a passion also. So brought to the most minor denominator... Love is all you need. That spark, passion, love to compel.

What the world needs now is Love sweet Love:: Yes, and yes again! Share Love, Give Love, Be love....! What I share, comes back in some way.

And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night. And love dares you to change our way of Caring about ourselves.:: Because of Love, I can care for those who previously would have irked me to the maximum. I can love everyone, but I do not require myself to like them. Also, because of Self Love, I was able to come to a place where I could pause in constantly doing.

Love me tender:: Love me in all ways. Hard, fast, Quick, Slow... Physically, Mentally, Spiritually, Emotionally, Platonically. Love me any way you wish. It's beyond my control how I am loved, I can only control how I feel about being loved... and I choose to Love being Loved!

Love stinks:: Compromise is nice. But sometimes compromising from a place of love still stinks...and that's okay. A little stinky love, blossoming like an African Carrion Flower... can still be beautiful and appreciated. I appreciate my ability to compromise, even when sometimes I would rather stomp and get in my own way.

So what did I learn about myself?

I love. And I will continue to do so. I am love. And I will continue to be so

Healing in Loves truth

2010-09-11T10:43:00.000-05:00

Hurt, wounded, vulnerable.

And I am okay.

I am that I am still living.

I keep hearing that sing

"In Venere Veritas" by HIM

"Have no fear, there are wounds

that are not meant to heal,

and they sing 'In Venere Veritas'.

I think that means 'in love there is truth'

in Latin. Well according to an English Lit. teacher that is what it means anyhow.

The truth is, that even in love there is pain.

Even when we love freely, and deeply, and open and give of ourselves

there is always risk of pain.

I am still open, hurt, loving, vulnerable, wounded.

And I am having to learn love in a new way.

Yes, I have been hurt before...but I suppose it was before I had

opened this much.

It hurts, and there are moments when my mind franticly reaches

out to grasp something to hang on to. Something that will center me.

But yet, I free-fall.... wondering where my place it in this scheme of things.

I think this pain will fade, and eventually I will be even more grateful for the experience

knowing that I remained open and breathing..even hurt... that I love.

I've had to learn about self-forgiveness. It's easy to understand others hurt and see their perspectives.

But my own eludes me and I wonder if it is disguised as child like naiveté. That my belief in Love, my faith that

love would be a light.....I have learned again of uniqueness of experience.

Perhaps in the larger sense, that legacy of love lives on in those who have danced with my love.

I gave all of me, no less.I then held back, or tried to and it pained me to step back and not be the change I wanted to see take place.

All I succeeded in doing was hurting myself by being less than I was. I am glad I am in a place where I can move through

these emotions and be safe and witnessed.

I need that transparency ..with myself.. and here.

There's a lot I shoved to the side and crammed in a box so that I could remain present.

sing.... oh nobody knows... the sorrows I've seen.... geez. now that is rather distracting.

I'm gone from there. I am standing in my place.

present, healing, hopeful and still living as love.

I am me.

In Love there is Truth...........

3.7.10

Magenta Fukit

2010-09-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling rather serene, speckled with pink bits of hyperness and blue dots of forgetting.

It's not that I have come to any terms with having to go thru the possibility of something preventing me from living my life as I have.....but a measure of peace *is* present. I'm just feeling "fukit".

Yes.. Magenta Fukit.

I just dug through a pile of paper and this was there:

Consciously cultivate the ability to set aside critical evaluations long enough to see whats actually there.

I wonder what I was doing when I jotted that down? I know I needed it now. It must have just waited for me to find it. Because this is what I am doing in the 'magenta fukit'... I just did not have the words to describe it til now.

hehe...

The New Color Dictionary:

MAGENTA FUKIT is defined as consciously cultivating the ability to set aside critical evaluations long enough to see whats actually there.

1.15.10

For Who The Chit Tolls.....

2010-09-11T10:37:00.000-05:00

Chit.

Fuckit.

Experience it.

Feel it... acknowledge is a better word.. like "yep, that chit happened or is happening"

and then

"Ahhh, I saw dat chit.. and it ain't mine!"

or...

"Hmm.. that lil bit o chit is mine, I think I will deal with that now".

Some are very huge on the A&D... I am too lazy to practice A&D to any more than I stated above..I use it as an identifier.. .

"Oi! Is that MY CHIT??"

..hmm.. nope. ok.

"OH FUCK..that's my chit ..ok. fine. my chit. I'm off to go deal with this.. cuz this is my chit!!"

Pondering Ghandi

2010-08-31T20:39:00.000-05:00

I've been pondering Ghandi.

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. "........ *shrug*....... I've always taken that to mean that in the things I choose to take on, that being present fully and being there with love relieves some of the pressure to find myself (brough on by outside forced that stare at me like I should be finding mysefl.. am I lost then?? ) Well,since I am not seeking when I am in service.. I find myself accidentally. Accidental tourist? ahh ok. wait. it's like that outside looking in feeling. that being there but not being *in*..being mindful? aware? hmmm.... being a tourist, enjoying what is. I guess thats how my self love rolls. I get those moment of serious doubt that I may not love me the way I "should", then I realize I love me the way I do, period. enough. have a nice day- why drag myself down trying to attain perfect-love....perfection is as it is.. how I do it.. perfect for me :-)

I'm not copping out really... trying not to try to love me deeper better fast more harderrrrrrr.... just hey. this is that. this is my love. have a nice day.

Round n Round

2010-08-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

I think we cycle round n round .. I know someone out there wrote something oh-so-wise that amounted to we learn a lesson and move on. ROFLMAO. *whatever*... What they left out was that we are cycling within cycles... ever spiraling within and sifting without. There's no way on Momma Earth that we ever learn 1 single thing....and color it done so completely.

I have a theory we learn it in one way... then we shift. We know more, we have indeed learned something valuable... but then we are different having known that...and then suddenly as we learned, we are relearning from that NEW perspective the same fuckin lesson... dammit all..!!! ARGH... but the sparkly side is that we know more and it sometimes makes those lessons easier.

Cake Free's

2010-07-25T19:07:00.003-05:00

I've been feeling rather unbalanced, closed off, and downright junked. I have come to the conclusion that it is me doing this to me as a reaction. Therefore, it's time to stop reacting; it is time to just be.

Again, with this present moment *smile*...

I seriously do not care to waste another single moment allowing myself to feel as I have been. I can not own CLOSING.

I have given it angel food cake topped with whipped cream and strawberries and invited those feelings to shimmer and shake my foundations. I have sat with closing and allowed it to inspire me to deep ponderings and heartfelt shifts.
And as I have realized a thousand times before this time.... closed hurts. I am glad I gave it some cake.. poor dear needed the sugar rush, the comfort, and familiarity of that spongey goodness that reminded me (again!) that Open is a natural state.... and that this, now recognized.. has the free will to get it's belly full and waddle away anytime it likes.

Curious Learning

2010-07-18T10:34:00.001-05:00

It's been a fruitful (?) time here in Me-Land.
I have not been doing much pondering; no Aha! moments come my way.
And I have been okay with that. Just gliding along, living each busy day without much plan.
There's not a feeling of being stuck really- not so much as a feeling that it will all come together on ots own and in its own good time.
I've been wanting to push for realizations and insightgs; but all that comes when I force it is a disticnt feeling that my energy could be better spent.
Each time I sit to wrote down what's going on- it stays gelled within. What if it solidifies? What if it melts away and I have nothing
to go back and learn from?
How curious this is. Maybe this is the learning.
Reminds me of the Yearning... within the yearning there is something that tells me that I allready have that something. So maybe within this
present time, within the echoes of nothing and everything... there is actually learning. After all.. I am yearning to learn and grow and understand exactly whats up.
So this is integration... gas, liquid, or solid........ it's here.. I am here.
This is my lesson with the present moment.
The present moment is a powerful Goddess- and so am I!

le Plan

2010-07-11T16:30:00.001-05:00

I have the belief that I am groovy, just as I am, at any given moment. I'm a constant evolution of myself. I wish to continually reveal myself to myself because it is important to me.

I plan to do this revealing via some Self Priestessing. It is often that I am very much *there* for others. I wish to be there for myself always and in all ways. This is all an action of extreme self care.... selflessness is a lovely sentiment, but I can hardly be present for another if I am unable to be present for myself.

I will dedicate myself to myself. I will do this by checking in with myself, seeing what I need. Asking myself the harder questions that I would ask another.

-How do I feel? - What do I think? - What do I need?

I’ll work towards creating a sweet little loving ritual that dedicates me to myself.... after all... I am Goddess!

Affirmation : "The present moment is a powerful Goddess..........and so am I" :-)

Odd Rebellion

2010-06-13T16:14:00.000-05:00

Out of some odd rebellion, I went back to the place where I used to be. Was I seeking a do-over?
What is it that I feel? What do I need? What do I want?

There is always a starting place, even in the circle. I see old junk flinging itself up at me from every angle, yet it does not seem to affect me as deeply it did before. Oh, I know junk never goes completely away... after all..it helped me to be who I am right this moment. :-)

Still, pn this rebellious ride, I see myself allready planning out curriculum, formation, an routine so that I have control. Hello sweet control! What is exasperating is that nothing is out of control, nothing is stressful, nothing is happening.

In the nothing that I flounder like a fish out of water in, I reach for the flow that I am comfortable with.

I touch base with myself, and a guardian angel slides me a sticky note … “Hey YOU!... You just need to remember!” And I *do* remember, I remember myself, my purpose, and I arrive safe and sound back in the flow that is gifted to me.

The Joy of Strength

2010-06-06T20:19:00.000-05:00

Strength.
Mother Theresa once said that "Joy is Strength".
It does involve courage, strength and wisdom to be strong.
Each day I am filled with choices to make.
I can choose joy. Or not.
In making that first choice upon rising from my bed...making it consciously and willingly.
I have set my purpose, my goal.
The rest becomes nothing, nothing but a means for joy.

Eavesdropping on my mind....

2010-06-06T20:11:00.002-05:00

(otherwise known as quoting myself...)

"My surrender in love supercedes all else"

"I think life is a ritual and we are living prayers ..honoring Her. "

The Guardian

2010-04-03T07:26:00.001-05:00

The Guardian of my surrender consciously knows, understands and accepts what it means when I say:

I am sovereign unto myself, but I do not know what I have in myself, what my limitations, my hopes, my dreams, my fears, failures, desires, gifts are.

The Guardian is the source that says to me:

I trust you to do what is best for you. I respect your thoughts and wishes. I hold this space for you to center in.

Namaste

My Divinity honors yours.

The Divinity within in you is my Guardian.

Contextual Surrender

2010-03-27T18:03:00.000-05:00

When I surrender to the unconditional love of the Divine I am filled with universal love and energy. When I surrender my mind and body to another as a conduit of the Divine I also surrender my spiritual self. It’s not sex- but something much deeper. It is my belief that a woman’s body has a celestial link. Part of the human experience is to connect; through sexual interactions this is possible.

Gifts of Self

2010-03-27T17:58:00.001-05:00

“I reward you with your own gifts fortified”

Epiphany!

The answer to the journey to the One place. I should explain that “The One Place” is somewhere I have always felt myself journeying to. This is the name I had given it. I understand myself to be always journeying around the circle, gathering new tools as I learn life lessons. I never bothered to ask what my reward for this undertaking was. I only knew that “The One Place” was a variable; it is wherever I am. It is my journey; and now I understand the reward. The gifts are mine, they were mine all along. Each time I learn a life lesson, gather a ‘new’ tool; it is simply put… my own gift made understandable and strengthened.

Internal Disciplines

2010-03-04T07:26:00.000-06:00

Ballerina's train in their discipline (en pointe!) Athletes train (skiing, bowling...) I wish to be
all that I can for me... so for me, I surrender to internal disciplines. Things I do for me, that I am accountable for doing. Things that I am obedient to, for me..because I want my happiness and peace more than my bullshit.

Asking & Green Tara

2010-03-01T08:32:00.002-06:00

Green Tara, known in Buddhism as the Mother of Liberation....

"She rescues us by empowering us to save ourselves."

It's hard to ask sometimes.. one can never know the outcome of the answer to the question "Can you help me?".

Surrendering that need to know the answer, and letting go of the worry that the answer may be no, or that there will be conditions placed upon the assistance...

The important thing I have learned is that... the worst answer I can get is "No."..Even though someone may say they are unable to help.. they truly do because even in the "no"... there is an opportunity for me to think outside the box.

Doing Best

2010-02-11T20:28:00.000-06:00

Me: i do my best. i expect it of me, and i know you do
DearS: yes and when you can say " I did my best" no one else can tell you something better.
other peoples words only add. you have to have that feeling first.

This year, in my declaration of Peace.. I affirmed that " I am in true freedom of pure love when I do nothing which opposes the demands of the peace and love of my core"
I wondered exactly where I would be lead. After all... I am surrendered to Love, surrendered now to Peace.... What cosmic wonders and opportunities would there be to assist me on my journey?

As I experience them each... I find out that even with less than 2 months under the belt of this year, that there are MANY!
What leads me in love to peace?
It seems only more questions arise with each experience.

I ask myself...What does my heart, spirit, and love want? What does my core self need and want?
And I return mightily to center. and I know that even if I do not have exact answers, that I will do my best, for I do nothing which opposes the demands of the peace and love of my core.

Blossoming

2010-02-09T08:58:00.000-06:00

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."Anais Nin

It seems that for my passions...I'm learning to risk more to see the blossoms, to experience them and revel in them and celebrate each bud turning to bloom.

I am She, She is Me...

2010-01-31T18:54:00.003-06:00

I revere Goddess in all Her forms.

I am respectful to the will of Goddess.

I am accountable for all I say, think, and do.

I am transparent; living authentic in Her service.

I surrender control of what is not owned by myself that

She grant me serenity and peace;

supporting me as I extend and empower myself

and gift me with the knowledge of my own true self.

1.1.2006 Nessa

Hate.

2010-01-30T17:16:00.000-06:00

Ever since yesterday when I donned my colorfully wonderful "Erase Hate" t-shirt, I've been thinking what a sludgy-dark-hole that hate feels like for me. Hate feels heavy, lumpy, and binding. I certainly do not feel comfortable in the realm of hatred.

So stuck fast in the love, I often forget that the hate is just as immense and intense.

I've been intentional sitting with hate, diving into the muck and swirling my arms in the mess I see, which laughably happens to be the disorder I so desperately desire to fix and the chaos I wish to be free of.

I may not like certain things, events, people, circumstances and such...but they do offer me something of value. This cornucopia of intense dislike today offered me the peace that I now feel in the knowledge that I need not fix anything.

Nothing is broken because nothing is whole.

I only hurt myself when I do not draw boundaries sooner than the edge of an angry edge. I am disappointed and angry with myself for not drawing it sooner. I am upset that I allowed myself to separate, throw up walls, and dive deep in to negativity.

I only harm the whole when I choose to separate myself from the person(s), circumstance(s), etc... and not be a catalyst for the growth or the healing that needs to take place in the whole.

I have already learned for myself that anything less than love offers me little but pain. In the prickly mire of hate is where I learned this surrender of an old-new sort.

Prerogative.Exercising my right to choose.

I've been through cycles and circles, coming back round again and again ... and each spin, I have more tools, more wisdom, and more self assurance in the things that I choose. I have more peace and definitely a deeper love mode.

From a place of peace and love within myself, I have the ability to opt out or distance myself from things, events, circumstances and people...but not from a place of hate. Hate hurts.

Gonna!

2010-01-24T21:20:00.002-06:00

Gonna create a sparkly, spunky, splendid situation.

and above all else, I shall wink at Cat Stevens as I ride on the Peace Train

and sing to all the passengers, hang my head out the window and sing loudly about how I am .......

"Gonna make love the bottom line. Gonna find peace in our time"

Who knows, maybe even Eddie Money will sing along with me.

Wanna Be.....

2010-01-19T20:43:00.000-06:00

I've just finished reading the Customary of the Order of Julian of Norwich.

And I must say I am indeed impressed. Their call to live in unceasing prayer is beautiful.

Although I am not Christian, I do enjoy several aspects of Christianity. What is unceasing prayer I wondered...?

Unceasing prayer is a directive out of the Bible- "To pray unceasingly" is a command given to Christians by Paul in Thessalonians. I offer it a step further in my own life as I consider my own self to be a living prayer. To me this means that my actions and thought are somehow connected with Divinity at all times. Even when I am yearning deeply for connection, it is in that longing that I am somehow connected. It seems to me that I cannot crave connection without ever having had it at least once.

I believe that I am an aspect of the divine; that She is me, as I am She and that we are One. I believe we all are. I think that I can pray and just so happen to also be mopping the floor. This works in other aspects also , like ritual , magick, and healing.

The Virgo that I am, smiles at the Horarium, or daily schedule of the community members. I read of Before Morning Prayers, followed by Morning Prayer at 6am, Discussion time, work time, Noonday Prayer time, and even schedules rest time and recreation time and summed up with Compline prayer at 8 pm.

Silence is practiced in two degree's of Lesser (only speaking when you need to) & Greater (No speaking at all unless there is an emergency) this brings to mind the saying "Be Still and Know that I am."...Even in stillness I am a prayer. In silence we can hear her speaking volumes to our spirits.

Work! How I love their loving practice of encouragement. It is their spiritual practice to not offer to help others with their tasks, but to be patient and await to be asked for help if another feels they need it. being constantly offered assistance can easily have us jumping to the conclusion that others might feel us unable to do something. When we are brought to the challenge to ask for what we need, we give of ourselves and allow the other person to gift us also. When we ask... we not only are empowering ourselves, but we are giving ourselves and not busy being Miss Fix-it's or trying to control things.

These particular persons are actually "Enclosed". That is, they are monastic. I love that they set boundaries to care for their health and wellbeing. I think the same holds true for myself. I belong to certain organizations that are women-only, this serves to moderate what connections I choose.

They cruise the web, play in e-mail and face book, watch DVD's, jam to the radio and read.

They do wear habits, that expresses their devotion..that shows not only themselves, but all that they are in service (that they belong to...) God. I find this very similar to my wearing of special jewelry that is themed and dedicated, part of my Vow with Goddess. These folks even have monthly days off, where they can put on their Jimmy Buffett t-shirts and cargo shorts around the place. Hmmm.... Hospitality is a big deal, guests are welcome :-)

This text also covered Composure, Comportment, Hygiene, Speech (I would be booted for all the F-bombs!) Food choices at meals, a room of one's own to rearrange at will. Retreats and workshops galore...and 2 weeks off a year they close the place and vacation!

Ok to the other stuff.... Vows....Poverty, chastity, obedience. Sounds scary if you just use the words in the context you learned in the dictionary. But overall, their forthright caring and respect of the individual and the community as a whole are intense but deeply loving and beneficial .

The Goddess Celebrates

2010-01-18T18:04:00.001-06:00

The Goddess Celebrates

by Diane Stein

My notes from reading this text..........

Introduction

Summary: Womens liberation and the Goddess movement share a commonality of empowerment of women. Rituals are one way to connect spiritually with ones self and Goddess. Rituals conducted in women’s spirituality are experiential. They assist to create change within a woman that she can carry forward into the world. There is no real wrong way in ritual~ but it is important that participants are empowered by it. Several views are contained in this anthology; all written to inspire the reader to create their own. A basic ritual outline and definitions are listed along with suggestions for self blessings and circle casting.

Response: The ritual outline is a nice guide and I like that she provided definitions to assist one who was starting from ground zero. This concept is present in White moon teachings. Explanations help women learn and feel comfortable in what they are doing. Learning that a ritual can be altered to suit the individual and still be effective.

What new will I take with me out of this introduction? “Everything that exists participates in Goddess”.

Teaching Women’s Spirituality Rituals

Summary: Womens spirituality is an experience that women can learn from. Rituals can be guided and participants can gain knowledge through us of accessories like flowers, incense, candles, and other items. The length of a ritual becomes a factor if participants

loose focus and interest. Interest and focus are key elements when designing a ritual. Group planning will assist in bringing harmony and maintaining flow in the ritual. Chants and dance can bring forward and combine energies. Rotating Priestesses that guide during the ritual is a good way to continue learning techniques and experiencing the Goddess.

Response: I like impromptu rituals and the energies they have; learning new and varied ways to do things from others. I believe that being interested and staying focused is essential and that accessories can assist. I agree with rotation; I participate in a womens group that does this. We learn from each other. I also think that we are our own most important accessories.

Remembering Her

Summary: We are Goddess and through self discovery we remember that we are her. There is no one standing between us and the Goddess. Rituals should assist in leading you to your inner self and not anyone’s conceived notion of how a ritual should be experienced. When using a ready made ritual it is advisable to have a full understanding and be in agreement with its direction. You should feel free to change whatever does not suit. Embodying the Goddess in any aspect can bring you to a new awareness of Her and Yourself. By aligning ourselves, we remember Her. When we learn of her many attributes we can learn that nothing is better or worse than anything else…its just different.

Response: I believe that when I pick up the Goddess phone that I will never get a busy signal. Being one with any aspect of her, for even a moment opens up a new perspective into my self. Although I was not raised or conditioned in an organized religion, I can understand that for many there is in the beginning a want to follow specific directions in a ritual and not to vary it. This is where many a question will arise perhaps. I think the answer I would give is the same as what I have learned. You need to make it to your own level of comfort. When working in a group- the whole group should be considered and assist in some way of making their own personal connection.

Ritual Creating and Planning

Summary: A ritual with purpose gives us a lasting joy in completion in our mind, body, and souls. It is an opportunity to experience that feeling of transformation. Planning with intent as the focus gives ritual a deeper meaning; enlivening or subconscious to aid in our focus and energy raising. If we want transformation to occur; the energy raised and sent will assist. Rituals always involve the raising and sending of energy. Ritual is not the only way to effect change within ourselves. Ceremony, celebration, and rites of passage also invoke change. When creating an effective ritual you should be aware as its format is laid out of such things as the reason (intent), which persons will be planning and participating, and the actual detail of each phase. It is good idea to plan for everything but keep also in mind that changes can occur right up to the end of the ritual.

Response: “When the ritual becomes so important that the intent is overshadowed and the change itself becomes secondary, it becomes counteractive.” I really believe this. I like to keep ritual simple allowing for a nice flow, but I organize everything in advance but leave it loose enough to allow for extra flow.

“Dependency on ritual…if it becomes the only way we can effect change in our lives…” I do know those who would do spell work or ritual for every bump on their path.

I have honoring rituals, rites of passage, celebrations, and holy days and so on. My way is not that of doing a working ritual as a last resort; but when my intuition lets me know that some extra focus would be ideal at the time.

Exploring Our Goddess Selves through Stories

Summary: Self discovery through stories.

Whether they be fairy tales, folk tales, ancient myths or ones made up off the cuff; the self discovery through story telling can inspire women to access their own power. Responses, questions, and even how we relate to the stories can be guideposts on the path. Used in celebrations, rites of passage, and in ritual- the stories can be told or acted out. Women who take part in story telling can bring about their own changes and changes in others when they tell their own stories.

Response: I enjoy a good story. I believe everyone has a story to tell. When one woman tells her story, another woman learns from it. We play it over in our own minds, wondering how we would have done things, how we would have felt if we were in her shoes. We share some emotions and grow together. I have sat in circle and shared stories. I found it very moving and enlightening. I learned about the women and I learned about myself. Acting a story out in ritual could be cleansing, empowering, and would raise a great amount of energy.

Writings on Rituals & Spells

Summary: Circumstance and soul, sacred and mundane; the interconnectedness of it all is the Goddess. Goddess spirituality as a religion can be defined as worshipping Her as a "Divine source of existence" through spells and rituals. Spells and rituals are a way of connecting our humanity and divinity.

A Witch and a Priestess are interchangeable. A Witch can do spell work by circumstance and it is directed toward the soul. A Priestess can do ritual with intent and it is directed toward the soul. A Witch/ Priestess brings the spiritual and the mundane together in herself by incorporating focus, trance, breath work, visualization, belief, devotion, movement, grounding and affirmation into her personal practice. She invokes the names of the Goddess, uses empowering images, along with other tools and practices. She sometimes employs psychic self defense to protect her magick and her magickal self.

Response: So much information is packed into this chapter. I feel what the author is saying. It is my desire to experience the interconnectedness of it all. The movement ritual is great; I have it on a CD in song form and I did it. The points she makes about how to incorporate different techniques into spells and ritual are extremely helpful. The one thing I found was she was all over the map- must be why she titles it Writings on Rituals and Spells.

Rites of Kore

Summary: A ritual of rebirth, a rite of spring done by the author and a circle of friends. A theatrical and empowering production ritualized for that sacred day.

Response: Yeah, I wish I was there. It read like a ritual fairy tale. It was one of those rituals where the experiences are profound in a natural sacred woman space. I think that can happen in any ritual- if you are open to the experience.

Creating Sacred Space

Summary: Casting circle at the start if a ritual defines space and time. By casting the circle we create an awakening within ourselves that assists in maintaining the boundary, so that we have a container for the energies raised.

Before ritual is a time of purification. This can be a mental, spiritual, or physical cleansing. By letting any negative thoughts or feelings flow into a glass of salt water and giving it to the Earth, bathing, or in the case of larger groups- sprinkling with saltwater.

Banishing can take place after purification to expel and keep out unwanted energies. Each movement and each tool used in ritual is meaningful. They help us to communicate with our inner selves. Invoking of the directions brings elemental energies into the circle, Opening a circle can be done by thanking the elemental energies that you invoked and visualizing the circle dissolving.

Response: All of these components are valuable when casting a circle. It is not just to create a sphere around you and your ritual space; it is the building of a circle that is fully equipped for your ritual. Starhawk’s chapter invited me to see circle casting in separate parts, as part of ritual, and as ritual alone. When I said cast a circle, I meant cast a circle. Three passes round, visualizing a sphere of energy defining space and holding my energy until it was set.

Now when I think of casting a circle, I understand to be that everything up to the working or honoring is part of casting the circle. Purification, banishing, invoking the directions or elemental energies, and tool consecration are all important parts of ritual. All of these can be done during one ritual- and some of these can just be done alone.

I feel that any items that are used during ritual should be purified and charged. We do it for ourselves before we even start a ritual, the items that we handle should be given the same attention because we use many of them as extensions of ourselves.

Blood Mysteries

Summary: Moon time is truly sacred time in which we connect with ourselves, the Earth and

The All. Our masculine framed society has left many women ashamed of this scared time. Silence about out this holy time leaves many women in pieces, un-whole. Discovering our own beauty, power and sacredness through our bleeding could lead us to challenging the patriarchal system that has positioned us against our own bodies and has put us at odds with other women.

Our moon time can be a spiritually creative time for us. By allowing our sensitivity to show us along our paths and letting ourselves do what we enjoy; we can honor and love ourselves, our bodies, and cherish out bleeding time.

Moon blood can be used in spell work, rituals, and blessings. The rite of passage for the onset of first blood can be very empowering to a young woman. The wise blood of the Crone is held inside; this cessation of bleeding is a rite of passage also.

Response: Each month I grow to love my moon time more. It reminds me how sacred my body truly is.

I can picture Antiga running out, showing her fresh blood prints. I revel in that scene, knowing that if I had safe company that would not be grossed out- that I would do!

“I am sacred, my body is scared, my blood is sacred, I am sacred.”

Hand fasting ritual

Summary: Hand fasting is a public celebration of two people that are in an existing relationship. It bonds them in trust, it is a commitment. Within sacred space and with witnesses and celebrants; they ritualize their bonding by marking a new phase in their lives together.

Since the relationship is already in fact, a hand fasting can be done on a special day like an anniversary. It is a full ritual involving blessings, affirmation of trust, and often jumping the broom is included. There can be chanting, dancing, and feasting.

Response: Hand fasting is so wonderful. A wedding is the closest description to this I know of. I feel the basic components are essential in a hand fasting ritual and that the elements added to them are what personalizes it and makes a hand fasting special. Mari and Caridwyn’s hand fasting was special to them; they included so many people who are a part of their lives. Their combining of their mothers names is inspiring.

Welcome to the Circle of Women

Summary: A rite of passage into woman hood for those women who have never had one is an opportunity to connect with all sisters throughout time and beyond the boundaries of culture. This is a ritual or ceremony that can honor the body and its link to the earth. Meeting and discussing experiences and hearing each other’s stories of their first menstrual flow.

During any phase of a womans life a rite of passage can be done, this is a type of blessing way. Many events can happen during the ritual such as staying up all day and night, mask making, dancing, and feasting.

Forming a ‘rite of passage group that meets for an average of 6 weeks, and then celebrated together can be a sacred experience. This would be comprised of a circle of women “nurturing a natural intimacy”; honoring our commonalities and our diverseness. Meetings would take place in sacred space; a woman-space where each woman bears witness, hearing the telling of other women. Each week women would be sharing a different stage of their lives, from babyhood to puberty. They would share their hopes and dreams for their

Response: I believe that a group coming together like this could do empowering things. I think listening to a mother’s story may even work to strengthen mother/daughter bonds in a family relationship. Even though my own menstrual experience was not shame filled, I can even see that a gathering like this could benefit me. I have heard many stories from my mom, but I have not heard my mothers story of her first moon. This is true women-culture.

Rituals for Birth

Summary: The Navajo Blessing Way ceremony tells of Changing Woman through chant and song. Blessing ways are source of inspiration for many feminine rites of passage. Through pre-natal rituals a woman can be empowered to birth her own child naturally. Pre-natal dream work can assist in acceptance of birthing fears.

As women, we instinctively know birthing is more than a culmination of conceiving and gestation. It is a soulful experience. Those that attend a womans Blessing Way represent the community and the support that the community gives to the mother, the child, and the family.

This ceremony is fully planned and includes prayer, song, ritual grooming and washing, gift giving, and feasting.

Response: Knowing and understanding the symbolism for a each part of the Blessing Way assist the mother and her supportive community in the birthing and mothering that follows. I’ve always explained as the ceremony progresses each symbolic act or representation. I feel this serves as a reminder and fills in silences when people have no idea why somethings being done.

The author is a midwife and has beads that she lends to the mother, and the mother adds a bead after her baby is born and gives it back to her. I like that idea, although I am not a midwife I use beads in ceremony by having all that attend bring a bead for the birthing necklace- along with a blessing.

The Goddess Celebrates: Healing Cesarean Section Trauma- a Transformational Ritual

Summary: After a cesarean birth, the whole mother needs healing- not just the incision site. A ritual done quite soon after this type of birth can be of tremendous help. Releasing the pain, then healing it leads the mother to empowerment. A mother can know the reason why it took place; but may not have grieved the loss of the natural vaginal birth. This ritual can also be used in preparation for a V-BAC.

One prepares by cleansing and outlining a ritual space large enough for the mother and baby to sit in, a symbol for the placenta, 2 cords, and something to symbolize her mate. The mother can also add any items she deems necessary, and an offering. A ritual format is described within the chapter and follows basic format, adding the anointing of the belly, and the placement pg the cords that symbolize the umbilical cord and a symbol for the placenta. Much singing is done, as this assist in motivating her towards love.

Response: This chapter I had to think of my own experience. My first child was born C-section. I don’t recall feeling insult upon my body. I was frankly relieved at the time. It was only 10 years later, when I had a V-BAC that I understood what I had lost out on by having a c-section. I understand why (I was a teen mother, and had a nurse that gave me no practice pushing) I was more upset with her than my doctor, when the baby started in distress and it was evident via x-ray that I was not going to be able to deliver. I was so very young, I was not even done growing yet. I felt loss, only because I was drugged quite effectively for the pain afterwards. I was a zombie for about a week. I felt anger later over that lost week of bonding. I breast fed, so that helped me a lot. The author’s ritual is effective. I feel that more than just physical healing is necessary when a C-section is done. It would have been a welcome gift to have a small basket with a ritual like this one and some ritual supplies.

A Path of Change: Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse

Summary: The author uses an ancient healing knowledge that she integrates with the spirituality of the women she counsels, this assists the healing process. The ancient healing knowledge is part of a Yoruban tradition that includes ancestor reverence and acknowledges the connections in human, plant, earth, animals as a part of daily life.

Yoruban ritual integrated into a healing woman’s spirituality can effect a change that begins the healing process in a new way. It is important not to go through the healing process alone; simply having a friend that can be there for you and provide support during your healing can be a tremendous aid.

Through psychodrama and metaphysical healing systems a victim of sexual abuse can meet and talk to her own inner little girl. This little girl has done so much, connecting with her and honoring her needs are a way to recall and release. Psychic confrontation is another healing process, where in a safe space a woman can confront the abuser or those she associates with the abuser.

The ritual described within this chapter is inspired by the Yoruban tradition and works to activate healing energy through the invocation of three Yoruban Goddesses and the support of three other close women. The role of Enduring Woman becomes a part of the abused woman. Enduring and affirming. Getting through perhaps even to the point of forgiveness.

Response: The ritual written here is amazing. Oya, Oshun, and Yemaya are invoked and three of a woman’s close friends assist in the ritual preparations and then the ritual itself. Sexual abuse is such a very real problem that involves ones mind, body and spirit and emotions. Surviving: Enduring: to go on. Surviving equates with overcoming; acceptance, forgiving yourself for being victimized. I like the way it is handled in a very real way. Empowering and affirming. Learning through the healing process and experiencing your own healing.

Iyyar: A Menopause Ritual

Summary: Hithbagrut is a second coming of age. It is a time after menopause that a woman can be free of certain responsibilities and ready to birth her personal creativity rather than birthing children. A menopause ritual held with female friends and family with activities like meditation, ritual immersion, singing, prayer, storytelling, text study, gifting, and feasting.

Response: This is very much like a pagan croning ritual. It is a wonderfully affirming ceremony that acknowledges a time in a womans life when she does know what she wished she knew when she was younger! I firmly believe that a woman who has reached this age of wisdom is to be valued, her existence never to be negated.

Tevet: a ritual for mourning a loved one

SUMMARY: In this time of weeping, women gather to journey through grief. Tevet is about this journey. The grieving women’s emotions are balanced through the use of a well lit room. During this time they remember loved ones. A special candle is used by each woman wishing to honor and acknowledge a death of a loved one. They light the candles as they tell of the person that they light the candle for. Photo’s and stories are shared; a passage from the Torah, a Jewish Holy Book, is studied. Women may also share memory boxes filled with slips of paper of remembrances and memento’s that they have made.

Huddled together in circle, group wailing commences. The women moan and wail, allowing sadness and grief to flow. Still in circle, the wailing transforms into song and the women call out the names of those they remember to invite the loved ones spirits in to this space. This is followed by a special shared story, brief meditation, and prayer and feasting.

RESPONSE: This is a distinct way to honor the passing and the memory of a loved one. It is also a very personal ritual that could be used as a passing ritual for those that remain, on any spiritual path to assist in the grieving process. I would perhaps use a rebirth story from history/ mythology as the closing story. I think I would also use the prayer not only for the departed, but to the living as well.

Eleusinian Mysteries

SUMMARY: The rituals of Demeter and Persephone were enacted in ancient Greece for around 2000 years. These rituals celebrate the bonds of mother and daughter and honor their profound relationship.

The author describes her continuing initiation experience in rituals that she is part of in similar stages as Persephone and Demeter. The story of creation, separation, rebirth, and reunion is reenacted from Eleusis to California.

RESPONSE: Parts of her rituals stood out, like found natural objects serving as symbols and offerings. A blade of grass becomes a way I which you can being healing and then transforms into a gift for another woman. Just moving and transforming what is already there.

I enjoyed reading of women climbing into trees and being re-birthed as women called out “Oh good! It’s another girl!” These are not only simple, but effective in ritual. I also admired the author told of her own inner struggle of personal power.

The Sacred Prostitute

2010-01-18T17:57:00.001-06:00

The Sacred Prostitute: Aspect of the Feminine Divine

By: Nancy Qualls-Corbett

Notes/Quotes from my reading of this text (italics are mine...):

Forward- “surrender to […] love; she magnifies the Goddess in physical delight and spiritual ecstasy. She opens the masculine to potency of penetrating to the divine, and the feminine to the rapture of surrender to it”

“Only from clear vision of oneness, an experience of genuine love, can we live our own truth”

Introduction:

“Goddess-the one who renews life and brings love, passion, fertility- and the sensuous priestess- the human woman who brought the attributes of the Goddess into the lives of human beings”

“Joy, beauty, a creative energy that united sexuality and spirituality”

“The archetype, as psychic entity, is surrounded by energy which has the ability to activate and transform conscious contents”

When activated “the release of that specific energy is recognized by the conscious and felt in the body through emotion”

“The image of the sacred prostitute, [which] connects the essences of sexuality and spirituality”

Sacred Prostitute: “sacred servant of the divine Goddess”

Chapter 1:

Through ritual the woman is initiated into womanhood, the beauty of her body-sexuality-sensuality-true feminine nature is awakened within and love resides within her.

The man is transformed by deep emotion; he carries love into the world.

Witnessing ritual is participating in it. Filled with awe, we share in the understanding that the nature of the Goddess dwells within her.

Endedhuanna- Priestess of the Moon Goddess Inanna. She experiences her beauty and sensuality as gifts from Goddess.

*when she can not worship, her radiance is concealed.

*her sexual nature was an integral aspect of her spiritual nature.

“Desire and sexual response [were] experienced as a regenerative power and were recognized a gift or blessing from the divine.”

*in praise they offered a sex act to the Goddess”

“Honorable and pious, pleasing to both the deity and mortal alike”

“She is the bringer of sexual joy and the vessel by which the raw animal instincts are transformed into love and lovemaking”

“Primary offering to the Goddess was her welcoming the stranger, thought to be an emissary of the gods or perhaps the God incarnate”

By this “she was awakened to her innate feminine nature of giving, receiving and containing love”

To the stranger she “offered a rekindling of the divine spark of life, a full and complete sense of well-being.” ….”a regeneration through the mystery of sex, which paralleled the mystery of religious teachings. The flesh and the spirit were united, each supporting the other”

“she was not used in order to gain security, power or possessions. She did not make love in order to obtain admiration or devotion from the man.

She was often veiled and anonymous. She did not require a man to give her a sense of identity- this was rooted in her own womanliness.”

Hers ”was to worship the Goddess in love-making, thereby bringing the Goddesses love into the human sphere.”

In the union of masculine and feminine, spiritual and physical- the personal was transcended and the divine entered in.

“the human woman who embodied the qualities of the Goddess of Love, can enable us to know and respect these qualities in ourselves.”

Re-visioning and renewing- feminine nature to reconcile.

Chapter 2:

What is an archetype? Behavior patterns?

collective unconscious= common to all

personal unconscious= unique to each person

“Archetypal motifs are products of the unconscious manifesting in consciousness as images or symbols”

“the outer personification of an inner archetypal image which relates to one aspect of feminine nature.”

“early man sought an external explanation for the powerful influences on his life, and thus projected onto gods that which was awesome and mysterious, calling it scared and surrounding it with special rites.”

“the feminine initiates the completion of consciousness by re-establishing contact with the unconscious.”

“the virginal attributes if the goddess simply means that she belongs to no man; rather she belongs to herself. she is not seen as a counterpart to other Gods or as the feminine version of a god. Although she may be married, her husband is viewed as consort. Her wifeliness does not alter her own attributes or lend her special status”

“the Goddess of love exists in her own right, as “one-in-herself”. She is true to her own nature and instinct.”

“the Goddess of love behaved in accordance to her own divine laws of nature, free and unfettered by man made laws.”

“the woman who comes to know the Goddess grows if the understanding of that divine aspect of her feminine nature that is part of the self, the archetype of wholeness and the regulating center of the personality. Rather than trying to dominate her life, her ego works together with the self. She is led, as it were, be ideals and attitudes that come from within. She is not contaminated by external; circumstances or overly affected by criticism. “

“the woman conscious of the goddess cares for her body with the proper nutrition and exercise. And enjoys the ceremonies of bathing, cosmetics and dress. This is not just for the superficial purpose of personal appeal, which is related to ego gratification, but out of respect for the nature of the feminine. Her beauty derives from a vital connection to the self.

“The woman who knows the moon goddess is conscious of her own moon phases. […] the cyclic rhythms in her body, and intuitively move with the ebb and flow of changing energy or moods. The menstrual flow, echoing the moons cycle is confirmation of her fruitfulness, those creative abilities which are both physical and psychological. She acknowledges her own moon nature. These are times when she knows herself to be bright and illuminating, times which foster new growth. In the dark phase, she becomes aware of her black, foreboding, witchlike side, and is able to discharge this powerful energy in ways that are not destructive. She understands her need for extraverted times of shining forth as well as for times of seclusion and introspection. Both are comfortable positions when she is harmony with her own unique rhythm. ”

“The strength of the goddess lies in the capacity to give up that which is most precious, in order to ensure growth and regeneration; transformation can only take place when old attitudes and values give way to new ones”

Man- maturity manifests in his “veneration for the strength and capacity of the love goddess”

“Relationships with women develop reciprocally when he is able consciously to value the feminine”

“Aphrodite’s essence is transformation through the power of beauty and love- like the power that is responsible for all metamorphoses”

“the sacred prostitute is a mortal woman who is devoted to the goddess. Her beauty, her graceful movements, her freedom from ambivalence, anxieties or self-consciousness toward her sexuality, and attributes of the goddess as well, derive from the reverence she holds for her feminine nature”

“Through the ----- of the SP we come to realize the attributes to the goddess of love. We may then consciously integrate into our human lives the significance of her characteristic qualities”

Chapter 3

“sexual acts devoid of an attitude of tribute to the goddess become merrily instinctual performances without connection to the inner being.”

“Sexuality is not mere instinctually; it is an indisputably creative power that is not only the basic cause of our individual lives, but a very serious factor in our psysical lives as well”

“her spiritual aspect encompasses her sexuality”

Shulamite- A priestess of Ishtar. “She signifies- earth, nature, fertility, everything that flourishes under the damn light of the moon, and also the natural life-urge”

[she is the Sacred Prostitute] “ready to initiate him into the meaning of his life and awaken his conscious to a new wisdom”

Chapter 4

The woman who honors these feelings (love, passion, relatedness) comes to understand and appreciate the sacred prostitute incarnate in her own personality.

“music admits us to the depths where spirit and nature are still one or have become one again.” ~ emma jung

Chapter 5

“We no longer worship the goddess of love. Consequently we have no container for sexual ecstasy. The numinous state where the inner core of the individual is awakened and revealed to self and other”

Sense & Sensuality

2010-01-16T22:09:00.000-06:00

"The spiritualization of sensuality is called love" Friedrich Nietzsche

I'm adding it all up tonight...

Things experienced through the senses are considered sensual, or sensuous. Sensuous gratification or indulgence of physical appetites is Sensuality. Sensuality is defined as an "unrestrained indulgence in sensual pleasures". A Sensualist is one who is given to the indulgence of the senses.

Am I sensual?

“To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the making of bread.” James Arthur Baldwin

Yes, I am.

Love Generator

2010-01-16T21:51:00.001-06:00

"Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don't have to know the second theory of thermo-dynamics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” Martin Luther King

When I read this... I knew what serve meant................... Of Service. Be of Assistance.........to be present, awake, aware... with all of these definitions, there is passion, action and relevance in all things.
I strive to be in a perpetual state that offers me guidance to do whatever is best for me to reach my highest good so that I may be a gift to others... so that I may be Of Service. This is what has always motivated me.... Love.

The Space Between....

2010-01-16T21:49:00.000-06:00

....Can be likened to a dance perhaps. Dancers, on their own are strong, skilled, able and empowered. At the right time, the right place...all the time, in all places the dancer's can choose to interact and exchange. And it is an exchange most definitely.
Leading the dance is not a show of power, or actually wielding certain unyielding power over, but it is an exchange.
Leading is no matter for the light-footed dancer; they must be hyper aware and strive for what is best at all times.
The one being lead knows deeply that it is their strength and their own power that when gifted to another strengthens the duo.
The leader, must choose to lead and with that is entrusted to a high level of responsibility.
Leading is no matter for the light-footed dancer; they must be hyper aware and strive for what is best at all times.
The rhythm and melody - the trust and awareness -the dancer's aim to provide balance for one another.

Trust

2010-01-16T21:47:00.001-06:00

TRUST

What does my trust offer? By offering my trust to another, I offer the whole of me. With my trust I give all of my fears, hope, doubts, love, certainty, ridiculousness, bitchiness, faith and well... All that I am. My trust offers Me. Open, Vulnerable, Unrestrained, Uncensored, Undone.

Balancing

2010-01-04T17:30:00.000-06:00

I have become to imagine myself in a yoga pose that requires balance. That shifting, releasing- those slight and subtle movements that keep me from toppling over. Moving from one "extreme" (well not too extreme...) to another.

Trying to maintain that balance. I think somewhere in the seeking of the balance, in they trying to be more aware, in the yearning...we remain in Her. She is all that. We are connected with Her, with ourselves and with others. It's in this dance of action and inaction that we skim our fingertips along the waters of confirmation.

In the Open

2010-01-04T17:17:00.002-06:00

The Charge of the Goddess is always something I come back to in this. The end especially, when I am wanting solid clarification..."I am that which is attained at the end of desire." Desire is a passionate feeling, filled with yearning, craving, and want. What lies at the end of desire for me is ecstasy, that immense feeling of joy.

I think that grounding is a very earthly practice, it is our bodies and the energy within that we connect to the Earth to pursue a state of balance. Since grounding begins as a physical practice, to start there feels natural.

I noticed when I was looking back through my notes on my personal experiences and practices that I was pleased, grounded, centered and more aware in my life. My awareness was facilitated by arousal; it was where my journey started in the physical plane that extended itself to other areas of my life.

When an athlete chooses to enter the Olympics or a musician chooses to become a star they become disciplined. They work to hone themselves and their skills to become the best selves they can be. This was how I saw myself, committing to myself.

I incorporated several things into my daily life to achieve a state of arousal that was constant. These practices offered me the experience of flow. I noticed that when my body was mildly aroused that my mind was also stimulated. I lived in a state that was more focused, centered and open to learning and experiencing.
My spirit was also stirred; I found my connection to Goddess was constant and unwavering. I felt as though I was living in Her, as if the world i was in was Her starry womb. I discovered that within Her, there is limitless freedom. A freedom to see and feel all that comes my way.

I waver now and again; I get caught up in things around me and forget to be open. I've recently been inspired to reflect on, practice once more, and even create ways by which I can become more balanced ...in the Open.

Technical Surrender

2010-01-01T11:56:00.003-06:00

I invite you to download this powerpoint presentation :-)

My Surrender

****

Peace !

2009-12-18T19:50:00.004-06:00

Last year I declared my personal year of Love.
The symbol I chose last year (the winged heart, a symbol for me of Ecstasy ...that which is attained at the end of desire!)

This coming year, I am declaring Peace.

The symbol I have created is the winged heart(for reasons above), the triple moon(for Goddess within), and the peace symbol.

Love, Peace............ It's all on my path.........

Peace is defined as the absence of mental stress or anxiety, harmonious relations, freedom from disputes and as the state prevailing during the absence of war. I perceive it as all of this and more. Many spiritual practices refer to peace as an experience of knowing oneself.

The journey I choose for 2010 is to explore my personal relationship with my Inner-Goddess.....My Goddess Self

LoveCrafting

2009-12-18T19:15:00.001-06:00

LoveCrafting is on my mind............

Magic gifts us with the opportunity to transform. A magical system grants us access to the tools we have always had within.

The Craft of Love offers healing, affirms, and transforms all. It acknowledges pleasure and passion, as well kindness and nurturance.

Our woman-selves as a Divine Altar:

Earth: Our Bodies............. Assertiveness and Courage
Air: Our Thought and Breath.............Intelligence and Reason
Fire: Our Energy...................Passion and Strength
Water: Our Emotion............Vulnerability and Sensitivity
Spirit: Our Intuitive Abilities.................. Connection

Dark & Bright

2009-12-18T19:09:00.000-06:00

Dark & Bright

Exhume........................ Reap
Manifest.......................Create
Covet...........................Pursue
Possess........................Own
Bleed...........................Heal
Breathe.......................Breathe
Gaze...........................See
Writhe........................Shape
Intercourse................Exchange
Sacrifice......................Offer
Stalk............................Invite
Lust............................Bless
Expose.......................Reveal

Silent Invokation

2009-12-03T20:25:00.002-06:00

I am Love.

I light the candle that offers opportunity.

Warm healing passion

My arms

My thighs

Encircle you.

Love's fiery embrace Free's.

Burning away layers

until the ash falls away

and hot clarity

The Aphrodesia of your Woman Soul

shines one with the candles flame.

Love Elixir

2009-11-21T20:59:00.004-06:00

"Love is the energizing elixir
of the universe, the cause and
the effect of all harmonies"
- Djalal ad-Din Rumi

My thoughts lately are about Sophia, elixirs and alchemy (not so much the immortality part ...)

If....An elixir is a sweet flavored liquid used in compounding medicines to be taken orally in order to mask an unpleasant taste and intended to cure one's ills.
And
If....Alchemy is both a philosophy and a practice with an aim of achieving ultimate wisdom as well as immortality.
And
If.... Sophia has been summed up simply as "Life"; the wisdom principle, the intellectual aspect of the soul.
And....
If....Sophia was the goal of transformation, the "lead deity" in the Alchemic tradition.

Then wisdom, our inner wisdom and our sweet journey within is indeed an alchemic experience.

In The Thunder, Perfect Mind (found in the Nag Hamadi Library) Sohpia relays that

"On the day when I am far away from you, I am close to you."

This *is* within and continually seeking wisdom, Sophia, Goddess outside of one's self.......is ineffective if not accompanied by our openness to opportunities to reflect within (an alchemic process) on the outer.

Wasting Time

2009-11-11T19:17:00.001-06:00

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. ~John Lennon

nuff said.

Graduation~ Again

2009-11-11T19:06:00.003-06:00

Ralph Waldo Emerson said " Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. "

I once mentioned being Everything and Nothing. Expansive and Whole. I mention it again, because it is important to me. I have circled round and found myself once again at the One Place. The beginning, even though I recognize everything - it feels new.

Standing at the top of my personal mountain top, I stretch my arms wide in love with all that is above me, beside me below me...... and it's about choice.

Choosing *with*, instead of *on*.

Much like graduation.

"The time has come,
For closing books and long last looks must end,
And as I leave,
I know that I am leaving my best friend,
A friend who taught me right from wrong,
And weak from strong,
That's a lot to learn,
What, what can I give you in return?"

How many sides to the mountain?

There is a good reason they call these ceremonies "commencement exercises." Graduation is not the end; it's the beginning. ~Orrin Hatch

I look forward to my next graduation.......

Rainbows

2009-11-08T11:00:00.000-06:00

In the dark nights of the soul we can experience rainbows in the dark. ~me.

Celebrate the Body!

2009-10-23T18:45:00.000-05:00

Mechthild of Magdeburg wrote:

"Oh Lord,
Love me intensely,
Love me often and long!
For the more often you love me, the purer I become.
The more intensely you love me, the more beautiful I become.
The longer you love me, the holier I become."

The way my mind translated this verse is that the word holy means to be set apart for a religious or divine use or purpose. Pure refers to being in harmony. beautiful is to be pleasing. this is from within, this beauty. And Lord, is simply an aspect of Divinity.. God .... Goddess....

I have found that I am all of these things. I feel beautiful (pleasing), I feel very harmonious and holy. Yes, quite so! It feels as though I am meant to be here (wherever I happen to be) and definitely happy to be (and simply be!)

Through celebrating my body in a prayerful attitude of glorious caressing, I find that my connection to the Divine is quite open.
I do pray in many ways throughout my day. Some ways serve to ground me in the present moment, many prayers are for others in this world, and some are simple reminders that I am on a path; but for me, celebrating my body is significantly different .

Celebrating my body, it opens me, I have no beginning and I have no end- my breadth and depth are not to be fathomed. I become divine.
and this, this carries on and overflows, virtually spilling love all over everyone I run into. (as far as I know, spilling love on someone is not really bad manners..) so perhaps this is what I might say is being holy- set aside (as is every human!) for the special purpose of Love.

Thinking for Yourself

2009-10-15T18:17:00.000-05:00

Thinking for Yourself

Know yourself now,
How you are now,
What you think now,
What you believe now.

You may be different,
You may think differently,
and may believe differently
in the future.

You can recall the past
Recall who you were
What you thought
What you believed
Recall that past and remember that it can not be changed
Think of the journey instead.

Tell me…Now
Who you are now
what you think of now
and what you believe now

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.~ J. Campbell

Cosmic Connections

2009-10-15T18:15:00.001-05:00

Reviving the spirit of the Sacred Marriage, where the Priestess- being in the service of the Goddess uses her body as a conduit to the divine…..My train of thought goes to definitions I have knowledge of and then my mind seeks to understand the definitions I never really even thought about.

Sex- biological.
Gender- cultural.
Sexuality- erotic desire and activity
Erotic- [eros] love and creative power coming from the sharing of mental, physical and emotional.

Seduction- is about attracting. Better put may be-- the act of being in touch with your erotic power in order to invite someone onto your sacred space.

It’s not sex we are after- but something much deeper. With the previous definitions in mind --Our bodies [a woman’s body] have a cosmic link. I believe this to be true.

If men are trying to get back in the woman’s body (to cosmically connect) through intercourse. Then what are all women doing… since we have this connection already? Are we allowing men to use our bodies as a vehicle to the Divine? Is orgasm or at the least, erotic stimulation one of the ways we enact [maybe recall] the feeling of joyous connection to the invited person and the Divine [through that person]?
I’m pondering these thoughts and wonder that if we continue to grow and learn as erotic women, then perhaps we can [for lack of a better word] Seduce [that is to say Invite] men into honoring and revering us as a Sacred Body in service of the Goddess; a vehicle in which they can then call out GODDESS instead of OH GOD when they orgasm?

Cycle'ish

2009-10-15T17:13:00.000-05:00

I have found some of the confidence I had stuffed away. I am now more confident in my thoughts, words, and deeds. I acknowledge my intuition and listen to my own guidance. I have the feeling that I am right back where I started from, only with more tools. Tools that better equip me for my life. I have circled around again- only to find and honor my own truth, and my own self. I have found that it is easier to speak my own truth. I also now have a deeper spiritual connection many aspects of the Goddess. I know, as an absolute truth that I can seek and find the answers within myself.

Worthwhile

2009-10-15T17:11:00.001-05:00

My mind is blank.
Not one single thought can I draw from.
I cannot reach the deepest part of me.
I am as lost as lost can be with my feelings,
my emotions.
I am not one with myself.
I am not at peace.
Soon, I must find the path to my own self.
I must realize
that all that has slipped through my fingers,
is still in my reach
And I must take it
Before it goes away.

I vow to do this

Before I draw my last breath.

I vow
To make it worth my while
to be me.

1/80

Satisfaction

2009-10-15T17:10:00.002-05:00

Will I ever get to know me?
To look to the future for answers is no problem. The problem is in the present.
The past has little compassion for present needs.
Needs must be met.
Sooner or later we all realize
that we have certain needs.
What about satisfaction?

Physical, Mental, and Spiritual satisfaction.
Can all of our needs be met by one person or thing?

Shouldn’t you first look to yourself to satisfy you?
When you satisfy yourself the you are ready to let someone into your circle ~ into you.

Bet then you find all of your needs
haven’t been met; and you find that sharing
is also satisfying.

Is the equation...
satisfaction equals happiness?

2/88

Love for....

2009-10-15T17:10:00.001-05:00

My love for Her
crossed canyons on it’s wings.

Outstretched limbs
of passion
that surrounded her Soul.

My unheard screeches;
Vows of eternity.

I built this world
and called it
our love nest

I was a bird.

8/92

Struggle

2009-10-15T17:08:00.000-05:00

We struggle within ourselves,
perhaps to timid to pray for guidance
from what it is that surrounds us.

With no hindrances
we could be so much more than mere mortals.

Valuable time and energy
seem to flow
to the furthermost boundaries of our beings.
It brings us to our knees,
expending our very souls.
Leaving us bared and humbled
before someone else’s idol.

In vain we try to cover ourselves

Should it be?

3/91

Responsibility of Me

2009-10-15T17:07:00.001-05:00

Everything and Everyone
I have ever some in contact with
has had an effect on me.

Everything I have said
Everything I have done.
Any pain I have had.
Any happiness,
and tragedy.
Helped make me.

I accept responsibility for me..

This is who I am.

And….

Oh, how I love me